Well, if the world, with prudent fear
Pay God a seventh of the year,
And as a Farmer, who would pack
All his religion in one stack, 181
For this world works six days in seven
And idles on the seventh for Heaven,
Expecting, for his Sunday’s sowing,
In the next world to go a-mowing
The crop of all his meeting-going;—­
If the poor Church, by power enticed,
Finds none so infidel as Christ,
Quite backward reads his Gospel meek,
(As ’twere in Hebrew writ, not Greek,) 190
Fencing the gallows and the sword
With conscripts drafted from his word,
And makes one gate of Heaven so wide
That the rich orthodox might ride
Through on their camels, while the poor
Squirm through the scant, unyielding door,
Which, of the Gospel’s straitest size,
Is narrower than bead-needles’ eyes,
What wonder World and Church should call
The true faith atheistical? 200

Yet, after all, ’twixt you and me,
Dear Miller, I could never see
That Sin’s and Error’s ugly smirch
Stained the walls only of the Church;
There are good priests, and men who take
Freedom’s torn cloak for lucre’s sake;
I can’t believe the Church so strong,
As some men do, for Right or Wrong,
But, for this subject (long and vext)
I must refer you to my next, 210
As also for a list exact
Of goods with which the Hall was packed.

READER! walk up at once (it will soon be too late), and buy at a perfectly ruinous rate.

A FABLE FOR CRITICS;

OR, BETTER—­

I like, as a thing that the reader’s first fancy may strike, an old fashioned title-page, such as presents a tabular view of the volumes contents,—­

A GLANCE AT A FEW OF OUR LITERARY PROGENIES

(Mrs. Malaprop’s Word)

FROM THE TUB OF DIOGENES;

A VOCAL AND MUSICAL MEDLEY,

THAT IS,

A SERIES OF JOKES

BY A WONDERFUL QUIZ

Who accompanies himself with a rub-a-dub-dub, full of spirit and grace, on the top of the tub.

SET FORTH IN

October, the 21st day, in the year ’48.

G.P.  PUTNAM, BROADWAY.

It being the commonest mode of procedure, I premise a few candid remarks

TO THE READER:—­

This trifle, begun to please only myself and my own private fancy, was laid on the shelf.  But some friends, who had seen it, induced me, by dint of saying they liked it, to put it in print.  That is, having come to that very conclusion, I asked their advice when ’twould make no confusion.  For though (in the gentlest of ways) they had hinted it was scarce worth the while, I should doubtless have printed it.