“Yes,” I returned, somewhat surprised at the suggestion; “and the proposed penalty has rendered me doubly anxious to be absolutely accurate.  Do you notice any slip of the pen?”

“Well, Sir,” he answered, with some hesitation, “as the young chap who does the boots tells me that he has never heard of you having had a single brief while he’s been with you, and that’s coming three years, hadn’t you better put ‘retired’ after ‘Barrister-at-Law’?  It will do no harm, and certingly would be safer!”

Put “retired” after Barrister-at-Law!  “Do no harm!” and be “safer!”

* * * * *

I silently intimated by a dignified gesture to the “Appointed Enumerator.” that our interview was at an end, and then, taking my walking-stick with me, went in earnest and diligent search of “the young chap who does the boots!”

(Signed) A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.

Pump-Handle Court, April 7, 1891.

* * * * *

“UP, GUARDS, AND ACT ’EM!”

The “them” in this adapted quotation must be taken to mean “Burlesques;” and if these gay and lighthearted soldiers continue their histrionics as victoriously as they have done up to now, they will become celebrated as “The Grinny-diers-and-Burlesque-Line-Regiments.”  Private MCGREEVY, as a cockatoo, capital:  his disguise obliterated him, but as Ensign and Lieutenant WAGGIBONE stealthily observed, “What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t MCGREEVY for.”  The music, by the talented descendant of Israel’s wise King SOLOMON, was of course good throughout, and in the Cockatoo Duet better than ever.  The ladies were exceptionally good.  Mrs. CRUTCHLEY defied the omen of her name, which is not suggestive of dancing, and “Jigged away muchly Did Mrs. CRUTCHLEY.”  The Misses SAVILE CLARKE,—­the Savilians among the Military,—­were charming.  Lieutenant NUGENT is an old hand at this, and his Paul Prior was not a whit behind his former performances.  There’s one more Guard O, Major RICARDO. He played Crusoe, And well did he do so!  Three cheers for everybody!  With the Guards’ Burlesque, we fear no foe.  Chorus, Gentlemen, if you please, “We fear no foe!”

* * * * *

THE OLD (CRICKETING) ’OSS AND THE YOUNG (GLOUCESTER) COLTS.

  Fifty, not out!  A good start beyond doubt,
    In a Twenty-four field, Doctor W.G. 
  And may Ninety-one bring us lots of good fun,
    With you at the Wickets for Figures of Three,
  To see the Old ’Oss stir in good time to foster
  The coming-on “Colts,” should give courage to Glo’ster!

* * * * *

“SUCH A DAWG!”

The enclosed was cut from The Field of last week:—­

    R. ——­ ——­ WANTS some friend to give him a small BULLDOG
    with a smile, for a house pet.—­To be sent for inspection to,
    &c.