[Illustration:  (Signature) Grandolph the Explorer.]

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ROBERT ON THE HEMPERER’S WISIT TO THE CITY.

The pore owerworked Committee has gone and got thereselves into a nice mess, and all by their kindness in wanting to let as many people as possibel see the grate show on Friday.  They has acshally bin and ordered a grate bilding with rows of seats, out in Gildhall Yard, enuff to hold about a thousand Ladies and Gentlemen, all in their best close, with capital views of ewerybody and ewerythink, and now they are told that it won’t be posserbel not to give em nothing to heat or to drink, tho’ they must set there quite quiet for at least three hours!  I wunder what they will all think of Copperashun Horspitality after that!

I’m told as one werry respectable but ancient Deputy acshally surgested, that after the Hemperer and Hempress and their sweet had all gone home, all the whole thousand starving wisitors should be turned into Gildhall and allowed to eat and drink all the fragments as was left.  Yes, Mr. Deputy, all wery kind and thortful of you as regards the harf-starved wisitors, but how about us Waiters?  You, with all your experience, ewidentally don’t know the wally of what such eminent Swells as Hemperers and Hempresses leaves on their plates, and the skrambel for ’em drectly as they leaves.  Why, I have acshally seen with my own estonished eyes, a lady, after enquiring of me which chair a sutten elustreous person had set in, stoop down and kiss its harm, wich was nex to kissin his hand, and then give harf-a-crown for harf a happel as was left on the plate!  Ah, that’s what I calls true loyalty, and werry much it is admired by all of us.

I hunderstands as the Government, wanting to estonish the Hemperer, has lent the City a reglar army of troops to stand on both sides of the Streets from Buckinham Pallis all the way to Gildhall.  And in case the estonishing site shood make him feel just a leetle dazed, the jolly old Copperashun has bin and gone and hired no less than three Millingterry Bands of Music to play to him, and cheer him up.

There was a talk of engaging all the many German Bands, as makes our streets so musical, to give the Hemperer a serrynade at Lunch; but Mr. WEST HILL, of the Gildhall Skool of Music, thort it might be too much for His Madjesty’s feelinx, so the highdear was given up.  I werily bleeves that of all the many anxious buzzoms as is a beating with suppressed emotion for next Friday, the carmest and the all serenest of the lot is that of ROBERT.

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“A BOOK OF BURLESQUE.”

  A volume most welcome on table or desk
  Is DAVENPORT ADAMS’s Book of Burlesque. 
  He deals with the subject from earliest days,
  To modern examples and Gaiety plays. 
  We’ve extracts from PLANCHE and GILBERT to hand,
  With puns ta’en from BYRON and jokes