SONGS OF THE UNSENTIMENTALIST.

THE GREENGROCER’S REBUKE.

[Illustration]

  We gave a little dinner; and I own,
    Led by a wish with style to stamp the fete,
  Palmed off, as though a butler of our own,
    A skilled Greengrocer we had in “to wait.”—­
  I thought he seemed to sway beneath the fish—­
    And stagger with a half familiar smile,
  When, lo! he fell, remarking blandly, “Thish
    All comes of tryin’ to do the thing in shtyle!”
  I thundered, “Leave the room!” He saw my fix,
    And but retorted, “’Ere, you ain’t a Duke! 
  I’m not a-goin’ without my three-and-six!”
    Thus came on me that Greengrocer’s Rebuke!

  That banquet was our last.  No more we “dined,”
    In, now and then, perchance a friend might drop. 
  It is our boast that he will ever find
    At least the welcome of a homely chop. 
  Some day, perhaps, when I have made my pile,
    And can from ostentatious show refrain,
  Without the Greengrocer to purchase “style,”
    I possibly once more may entertain! 
  And so,—­I know not how it came about,
    But if by chance, it is a happy fluke
  That I at length without the slightest doubt
    Have lived to bless that Greengrocer’s Rebuke!

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QUELCHING QUELCH.—­Mr. QUELCH, before the Labour Commission, is said to have expressed his opinion that “the liberty to combine should not involve the liberty not to combine.”  Doesn’t Mr. QUELCH see, that without “liberty not to combine” there cannot be any “liberty to combine.”  For if a man is not at liberty to abstain from combination, it is obvious that he is compelled to combine; and compulsion is hardly liberty.  Freedom lies in choice, and Mr. QUELCH would leave the workman none.

* * * * *

A MASK ON A MASK.

    [A face-mask, the latest addition to the toilet, worn during
    the hours of sleep, is designed to remove wrinkles.]

  Wear masks at night?  Nay, when I saw your face,
    Old but unwrinkled, topped with sunny ringlets,
  Dear Lady OLDGARDE, while you made the pace,
    And flitted like a fairy borne on winglets
  From boy to boy, and flirted here and there
    With that unchanging smile of rouged enamel,
  I thought, “Since you are rich beyond compare,
    And since the needle’s eye doth bar the camel,
  ’Tis right perhaps that wealth should purchase youth,
    And peaceful age become a ceaseless playtime;
  Still, if you’d wear two masks to hide the truth,
    Oh, wear this last one always in the daytime.”

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