“Why, bless me!” cried OLD MORALITY, aghast at the news, “here’s a sitting practically wasted, and we might have used it for the Tithes Bill.” Business done.—­Motion to abolish Livery Franchise negatived by 148 votes against 120.

* * * * *

ST. VALENTINE’S EVE.

SCENE—­The outside of a small fancy-stationer’s in a back-street.  The windows are plastered with highly-coloured caricatures, designed to convey the anonymous amenities prescribed by poetic tradition at this Season of the Year.  A small crowd is inspecting these works of Art and Literature with hearty approval.

First Artisan.  See this ’ere, BILL? (He spells out with a slow relish.)

  “With yer crawlin,’ lick-spittle carneyin’ ways,
  Yo think very likely bein’ a nippercrit’ll pay! 
  Still some day it’s certain you’ll be found out at lorst
  As a cringin’, sloimy, snoike in the grorss!”

Why, it might ha’ been wrote a-purpose for that there little cantin’ beggar up at our shop—­blowed if it mightn’t!

Second Artisan.  Young MEALY, yer mean?  But that’s cawmplimentry—­for him—­that is!

First A. But yer see the ideer of it.  They’ve drawed im a snoike, all ’cept ’is ’ed, d’ye see?  That’s why they’ve wrote “Snoike in the Grorss,” underneath.  Hor-hor! they must be smart chaps to think o’ sech things as that ’ere, eh? [They move on.

First Servant Girl (reading)—­

“Two squintin’ boss-heyes, and ’air all foiry-red.  You surely can’t ever expect to be wed?  Yer nose shows plain you’ve took to gin. You’re a nice party for a wedding-ring!”

I’ve ‘arf a mind to go in and git one o’ them to send Missis.

Second S.G. (in service elsewhere).  Oh, I would!  Go in, SALLY, quick.  I can lend yer a ap’ny towards it.

Sally (meditatively). I’d do it—­on’y she’d guess ’ood sent it her!

Second S.G. Let ’er.  You can stick ’er out it wasn’t you.

Sally.  I could, O’ course—­but it wouldn’t be no use, she’d tell the ’andwriting on the hongvelope! (Gloomily.)

Second S.G. Oh, if that’s all, I’ll direct it for yer.  Come on, SALLY; it will be sech a lark, and then you can tell me all about what she said arterwards! [They enter the shop.

First Young Person in hat and feathers (reading)—­

  “The female ’art you think you’ll mash,
  By sporting stick-up collars and a la-di-da moustache. 
  But I tell you straight it’ll be a long time
  Before I take you to be my Valentine!”

I do wonder what CHORLEY ’AWKINS would say if I sent him one of them.

Second Y.P. But I thought you told me CHORLEY ’AWKINS never took no notice of you?