We make up our mind to change our conduct in certain matters, but we go on acting just the same; and in spite of every reason, Evelyn was still undecided whether she should go to meet Sir Owen.  It was quite clear that it was wrong for her to go, and it seemed all settled in her mind; but at the bottom of her heart something over which she had no kind of control told her that in the end nothing could prevent her from going to meet him.  She stopped, amazed and terrified, asking herself why she was going to do a thing which she seemed no longer even to desire.

In the afternoon some girl friends came to see her.  She played and sang and talked to them, but they, too, noticed that she was never really with them, and her friends could see that she saw and heard things invisible and inaudible to them.  In the middle of some trifling chatter—­whether one colour or another was likely to be fashionable in the coming season—­she had to put her hand in her pocket for her handkerchief, and happened to meet the key of the square, and it brought back to her in a moment the entire drama of her destiny.  Was she going to take the three o’clock train to London, or to remain in Dulwich with her father?  She thought that she would not mind whatever happened, if she only knew what would happen.  Either lot seemed better to her than the uncertainty.  She rattled on, talking with fictitious gaiety about the colour of bonnets and a party at which Julia had sung, not even hearing what she was saying.  Wednesday evening passed with an inward vision so intense that all the outer world had receded from her, she was like one alone in a desert, and she ate without tasting, saw without seeing what she looked at, spoke without knowing what she was saying, heard without hearing what was said to her, and moved without knowing where she was going.

On Thursday morning the obsession of her destiny took all colour from her cheek, and her eyes were nervous.

“What is it, my girl?” Her father said, taking her hand, and the music he was tying up dropped on the floor.  “Tell me, Evelyn; something, I can see, is the matter.”

It was like the breaking of a spring.  Something seemed to give way within her, and slipping on her knees, she threw her arms about him.

“I am very unhappy.  I wish I were dead.”

He strove to raise her from her knees, but the attitude expressed her feelings, and she remained, leaning her face against him.  Nor could he coax any information from her.  At last she said, raising her tearful eyes—­

“If I were to leave you, father, you would never forgive me?  But I am your only daughter, and you would forgive me; whatever happened, we should always love one another?”

“But why should you leave me?”

“But if I loved someone?  I don’t mean as I love you.  I could never love anyone so tenderly; I mean quite differently.  Don’t make me say more.  I am so ashamed of myself.”