the dictates of our conscience remains the same.
But Monsignor might not deem this sufficient, and
might refuse her absolution. She strove to convince
herself, hurriedly, aware that the moments were fleeting,
that she had a soul. That sense of right and
wrong which, like a whip, had driven her here could
be nothing else but the voice of her soul; therefore
there was a soul, and if there was a soul it could
not die, and if it did not die it must go somewhere;
therefore there was a heaven and a hell. But
in spite of her desire to convince herself, remembrance
of Owen’s arguments whistled like a wind through
her pious exhortations, and all that she had read
in Huxley and Darwin and Spencer; the very words came
back thick and distinct, and like one who finds progress
impossible in the face of the gale, she stopped thinking.
“We know nothing ... we know nothing,”
were the words she heard in the shriek of the wind,
and revealed religion appeared in tattered, miserable
plight, a forlorn spectre borne away on the wind.
So distinct was the vision, so explicit her hearing,
that she could not pretend to herself that she was
a Christian in any but a moral sense, and this would
not satisfy Monsignor. Then question after question
pealed in her ears. What should she say when
he came? Was it not better for her to leave at
once? But then? She took one step towards
the door. However thin and shallow her belief
might be, she must confess her sins. She felt
that she must confess her sins even if she did not
believe in confession. Her thoughts paused, and
she was terrified by the mystery which her own existence
presented to herself.
The door opened, and the priest stood looking at her.
She could see that he divined the truth. In the
first glance he read that Evelyn had come to confession,
and it was for him a moment of extraordinary spiritual
elation.
Monsignor Mostyn and Sir Owen had been at school together,
and though they had not met since, they frequently
heard of each other. Owen’s ideas of marriage
and religion were well known to the priest. He
had heard soon after she had gone away that she had
gone with Asher, his old schoolfellow. He knew
the pride that Asher would take in destroying her
faith, and this diabolic project he had determined
to frustrate; and every year when he returned from
Rome, he asked if Evelyn was expected to sing in London
that season. As year after year went by, his chance
of saving her soul seemed to grow more remote; but
at the bottom of his heart he believed that he was
the chosen instrument of God’s grace. That
night at the concert in her father’s house, the
first words—something in her manner, the
expression in her eyes, had led him to think that the
conversion would be an easy one. But it had come
about quicker than he had expected. And as he
stood looking at her, he was aware of an alloy of
personal vanity and strove to stifle it; he thought
of himself as the humble instrument selected to win
her from this infamous, this renegade Catholic, and
the trouble so visible in her was confirmation of his
belief that there can be no peace for a Catholic outside
the pale of the Church.