will, like a stone. A moment after, the gable
of the church appeared against the sky, and she recognised
the poor, ridiculous creature in the tattered black
bonnet, whose stiff, crooked appearance she had known
since childhood. She had changed little in the
last twenty years. She walked with the same sidling
gait her hands crossed in front of her like a doll.
Her life had been lived about St. Joseph’s; the
church had always been the theatre and centre of her
thoughts. Doubtless she was on her way to Benediction,
and the temptation to follow her arose, but was easily
resisted. Evelyn paid the cabman his fare, and
in an increasing tremor of nervous agitation, she
crossed the gravelled space in front of the presbytery.
The attendant showed her into the same bare room, where
there was nothing to distract her thoughts from herself
except the four prints on the walls. She had
recourse to them in the hope of stimulating her religious
fervour, but as she gazed at St. Monica and St. Augustine
she remembered the poor woman she had just seen.
There had been scorn of her ridiculous appearance
in her heart, and pride that she, Evelyn, had been
given a more beautiful body, more perfect health, and
a clearer intelligence. So she was overcome with
shame. How dare she have scorned this holy woman.
If she had been more richly gifted by Nature, to what
shameful usage had she put her body and her talents?
And Evelyn thought how much more lovely in God’s
eyes was this poor deformed woman. To sin is
the common lot of humanity; but she had done more than
commit sins, she had committed
the sin, she
had striven to tear out of her heart that sense of
right and wrong which God had planted there. She
had denied the ideal as the Jews had denied Christ.
Owen had not done that; he lived up to his principles,
such as they were. But she had not thought she
was acting right, she had always known that she was
doing wrong, and she had gone on doing wrong, stifling
her conscience, hoping always that it would be the
last time.
That poor woman whose appearance had raised a contemptuous
thought in her heart had never sinned against her
faith. She had not sought to raise doubts in
her heart concerning God and morals; she had lived
in ardent belief and love, never doubting that God
watched her from his heaven, whither he would call
her in good time. Almighty God! She was
struck with fear lest she did not believe all that
this poor woman believed. Did she believe that
she, Evelyn Innes, would appear at the final judgment
and be assigned a place for ever and ever in either
eternal bliss or torment? She did not know if
she believed this. Last night she was sure she
believed, but to-day she did not know.... She
did not know that heaven was as this poor woman imagined
it. She asked herself if she believed in a future
life of any sort? She was not sure, she did not
know; she was only sure that whether there be a future
life or none, our obligation to live according to