The strangest doubts trouble me.  When Roger speaks to me tenderly; when he lovingly calls me his dear Irene, I am troubled, alarmed—­I feel as if I were deceiving some one, that I am not free, that I belong to another.  Oh! what foolish scruples!  How little do I deserve sympathy!  You who have known me from my childhood and are interested in my happiness, will understand and commiserate my folly, for folly I know it to be, and judge myself as severely as you would.

I have resolved to treat these wretched misgivings and childish fears as the creations of a diseased mind, and have arranged a plan for their cure.

I will go into the country for a short time; good Madame Taverneau offers me the hospitality of her house at Pont-de-l’Arche; she knows nothing of what has happened during the last six months, and still believes me to be a poor young widow, forced to paint fans and screens for her daily bread.

I am very much amused at hearing her relate my own story without imagining she is talking to the heroine of that singular romance.

Where could she have learned about my sad situation, the minute details that I supposed no one knew?

“A young orphan girl of noble birth, at the age of twenty compelled by misfortune to change her name and work for her livelihood, is suddenly restored to affluence by an accident that carried off all her relatives, an immensely rich uncle, his wife and son.”

She also said my uncle detested me, which proved that she was well informed—­only she adds that the young heiress is horribly ugly, which I hope is not true!

I will go to Mme. Taverneau and again become the interesting widow of Monsieur Albert Guerin, of the Navy.

Perilous widowhood which invited from my dear Mme. Taverneau confidences prematurely enlightening, and which Mlle. Irene de Chateaudun had some difficulty in forgetting.

Ah! misery is a cruel emancipation!  Angelic ignorance, spotless innocence of mind is a luxury that poor young girls, even the most circumspect, cannot enjoy.

What presence of mind I had to exercise for three long years in order to sustain my part!

How often have I felt myself blush, when Mme. Taverneau would say:  “Poor Albert! he must have adored you.”

How often have I had to restrain my laughter, when, in enumerating the perfections of her own husband, she would add, with a look of pity:  “It must distress you to see Charles and me together, our love must recall your sad loss.”

To these remarks I listened with marvellous self-possession; if comedy or acting of any kind were not distasteful to me, I would make a good actress.

But now I must finish telling you of my plan.  To-morrow I will set out ostensibly with my cousin, accompanying her as far as Fontainbleau, where she is going to join her daughter, then I will return and hide myself in my modest lodging, for a day or two, before going to Pont-de-l’Arche.