After having vainly searched for Mademoiselle de Chateaudun within the walls of Rouen, M. de Monbert decided, on receipt of some new information, to seek her among the old chateaux of Brittany.  My sorrow, feeding upon itself, counselled me not to accompany him.  The fact is that I could be of no earthly use in his search.  Besides, I thought I perceived that my presence embarrassed him.  To tell the truth, we were a constraint upon each other.  Every sorrowful heart willingly believes itself the centre of the universe, and will not admit the existence, under heaven, of any other grief than its own.  I let the Prince depart, and set out alone for Paris.  One last hope remained; I persuaded myself that if Louise had not loved M. de Meilhan she would have left Richeport at the same time that I did.

I got out at Pont de l’Arche, and prowled like a felon about the scenes where happiness had come to me.

I wandered about for an hour, when I saw the letter-carrier coming to the post-office for the letters to be delivered at the neighboring chateaux.  Paler and more tremulous than the silvery foliage of the willows on the river shore, I questioned him and learned that Madame Guerin was still at Richeport.  I went away with death in my heart; in the evening I reach Paris.  Resolved to see no one in that city, and only intending to pass a few days in solitude and silence, I sought no other abode than the little room which I had occupied in less fortunate but happier times.  I wished to resume my old manner of living; but I had no taste for anything.  When one goes in pursuit of happiness, the way is smiling and alluring, hope brightens the horizon; when we have clutched it and then let it escape, everything becomes gloomy and disenchanted; for it is a traveller whom we do not meet twice upon our road.  I tried to study, which only increased my weariness.  What was the use of knowledge and wisdom?  Life was a closed book to me.  I tried the poets, who added to my sufferings, by translating them into their passionate language.  Thus, reason is baffled by the graceful apparition of a lovely blonde, who glided across my existence like a gossamer over a clear sky, and banished repose for ever from my heart!  My eyes had scarcely rested upon the angle of my dreams ere she took flight, leaving on my brow the shadow of her wings!  She was only a child, and that child had passed over my destiny like a tempest!  She rested for a moment in my life, like a bird upon a branch, and my life was broken!  In fact I lost all control over myself.  Young, free and rich, I was at a loss to know what to do.  What was to become of me?  Turn where I would, I still saw nothing around me but solitude and despair.  During the day I mingled with the crowd and wandered about the streets like a lost soul; returning at night overcome, but not conquered by fatigue.  Burning sleeplessness besieged my pillow, and the little light no longer shone to comfort and encourage me.