I loved him, and to exclaim against the infamy, cruelty and perfidy of my refusing to see him, and my endeavors to convince him that I cared nothing for him?  He was right to accuse me, for appearances were all against me—­my own conduct condemned me.  I must acknowledge myself culpable, and submit to the sentence that has been pronounced against me.  I resigned myself sadly to repair the wrong I had committed.  One hope still remained to me:  Edgar brought back by me would be restored to his mother, but Edgar would cease to love me when he knew my real name.  There is a difference between loving an adventuress, whose affections can be trifled with, and loving a woman of high birth and position, who must be honorably sought in marriage.  Edgar has an invincible repugnance to matrimony; he considers this august institution as a monstrous inconvenience, very immoral, a profane revelation of the most sacred secrets of life; he calls it a public exhibition of affection; he says no one has a right to proclaim his preference for one woman.  To call a woman:  my wife! what revolting indiscretion!  To call children:  my children! what disgusting fatuity!  In his eyes nothing is more horrible than a husband driving in the Champs Elysees with his family, which is tantamount to telling the passers-by:  This woman seated by my side is the one I have chosen among all women, and to whom I am indebted for all pleasure in life; and this little girl who resembles her so much, and this little boy, the image of me, are the bonds of love between us.  The Orientals, he added, whom we call barbarians, are more modest than we; they shut up their wives; they never appear in public with them, they never let any one see the objects of their tenderness, and they introduce young men of twenty, not as their sons, but as the heirs of their names and fortunes.

Recalling these remarkable sentiments of M. de Meilhan, I said to myself:  he will never marry.  But Mad. de Meilhan, who was aware of her son’s peculiar thoeries, assured me that they were very much modified, and that one day in speaking of me, he had angrily exclaimed:  “Oh!  I wish I were her husband, so I could shut her up, and prevent any one seeing her!” Now I understand why a man marries!  This was not very reassuring, but I devoted myself like a victim, and for a victim there is no half sacrifice.  Generosity, like cruelty, is absolute.

After a night of anxious travel, we reached Havre at about ten in the morning.  We drove rapidly to the office of the American steamers.  Madame de Meilhan rushed frantically about until she found the sleepy clerk, who told her that M. de Meilhan had taken passage on the Ontario.

“When does this vessel leave?”

“I cannot tell you,” said the gaping clerk.

We ran to the pier and tremblingly asked:  “Can you tell us if the American vessel Ontario sails to-day?”