THE FIRST ACT—­AND THE LAST.

(A DEPARTMENTAL TRAGI-COMEDY, IN ACTIVE REHEARSAL.)

ACT I.—­The Scene represents the Interior of a Military Instruction Room.  Black Boards, on which are displayed advanced Problems and Calculations in the Higher Mathematics, and various Scientific Charts cover the Walls.  Models of mechanical contrivances and machinery used in the construction of complicated Small Arms approved by the Authorities, are scattered about in every direction. TOMMY ATKINS is discovered, giving his best attention to the conclusion of a very lengthy but rather abstruse explanatory Lecture.

Military Instructor (who has been for an hour and a half explaining the intricate mechanism of the new Magazine Rifle, finally approaching the end of his subject).  Well, as I have fully explained before, but may state once more, so as to firmly impress it on your memory, you will bear in mind that the cylindrical portion will be shortened in front, the end of the rib being provided with tooth underneath, and stud on top, both studs on rib to have undercut grooves, a small keeper-screw, and bolt-head for cover, being added, while the cocking-stud is enlarged.  Then do not forget that jammed cases or bullets are removed by two ramrods, screwed together by the locking-bolt being omitted.  I needn’t again go over the twenty-four different screws, but, in ease of accident, it will be well to retain their various outside thread diameters in your memory, specially not forgetting that those of the Butt Trap Spring, the Dial Sight Pivot, and the Striker Keeper Screw, stand respectively at .1696, .1656, and .116 of an inch.  Of course you will remember the seven pins, and that, if anything should go wrong with the Bolt Head Cover Pin, as you will practically have to take the whole rifle to pieces, you should be thoroughly familiar with the 197 different component items, which, properly adjusted one with the other, make up the whole weapon.  I think I need not refer again to the “sighting,” seeing that the Lewes system is abolished, and that the weapon is now sighted up to 3,500 yards, “dead on,” no matter what the wind may be.  With this remark, I have much pleasure in placing the rifle in your hands (gives him one), at the same time advising you, if called upon to use it in the heat of action, to be prepared with the knowledge I have endeavoured to impart to you to-day, and, above all things, to keep your head cool.  I don’t think I have anything more to add, ATKINS.  I have made myself pretty clear?

Tommy Atkins (with a grin).  ’Ees, Sir!

Military Instructor.  And there is nothing more you wish to ask me?

Tommy Atkins (still grinning).  Noa, Sir!

Military Instructor.  Ah! well then, good morning.  I trust you will find it, what they assure me it is,—­a most serviceable weapon.

Tommy Atkins (saluting).  ’Ees, Sir!