‘Mid Boises and Bullyvards tho’ we may roam,
  Be it hever so foggy, there’s no place like ’ome;
  A smile from the Swells seems to ’allow sport there,
  Wich, look where you will, isn’t met with elsewhere. 
          ’Ome, ’ome, Sweet, sweet ’ome,
  Be it hever so fog-bound, there’s no place like ’ome!

A hexile from Parry, I’m off o’er the main;
Ah! give me my native Newmarkit again;
The mugs, smiling sweetly, wot come at my bawl,
Give me these, and the “pieces,” far dearer than all. 
’Ome, ’ome,
Sweet, sweet ’ome,
With RAIKES[1], LOWTHER, CHAPLIN, there’s no place like ’ome.

“Mean to sing that at our next ‘Smoker,’ BOB.  But till then, Ta—­ta!!”

[Footnote 1:  Which gentleman declined to find out for Mr. SAMUEL SMITH, “what proportion betting messages bear to the other telegrams transmitted by the Post-office Department.”]

* * * * *

DESDEMONA TO THE AUTHOR OF “DORIAN GRAY.”

(A PROPOS OF HIS PARAGRAPHIC PREFACE.)

“These are old fond paradoxes, to make boys crow i’ the Club corner.  What miserable praise hast thou for him that’s foul and foolish?”

* * * * *

SOMETHING IN A NAME.—­A recent theatrical announcement informed us that a new comedy would be produced from the pen of a Mr. HENRY DAM.  If successful, imagine the audience calling for the Author by name.  If a triumph, the new dramatist will be known as “The big, big D.”

* * * * *

BY A TIRED AND CYNICAL CRITIC OF CURRENT FICTION.

A “School for Novelists,” they say, has risen.  A School?  What’s really wanted is a Prison.  Life-long confinement far from pen and ink Might cure the crowd of fictionists, I think.  Or, if by Lessons you’d arrest the blight, Go teach the Novelist how not to write!

* * * * *

ATHLETICS.—­It is said that the County Council are resolved to forbid the popular feats of raising heavy weights, upon the ground that it may lead to shoplifting.

* * * * *

WORKING AND PLAYING BEES.—­Lady B-ountiful first, at the Garrick, and Lady B-arter at the Princess’s.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  OLD FRIENDS.

Big Ben.  “OH, FLATTERY’S THE BANE OF FRIENDSHIP!  JUST LOOK AT YOU AND ME, OLD MAN!  WHY, I’VE ALWAYS TOLD YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF, HOWEVER DISAGREEABLE!  IT’S A WAY I HAVE.  AND YET WE’VE BEEN FAST FRIENDS FOR FORTY YEARS, AND I LIKE YOU BETTER THAN ANY FRIEND I POSSESS!  INDEED, YOU’RE ABOUT THE ONLY FRIEND I’VE GOT LEFT!”

Little Dick (dreamily).  “AH, BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT I’VE NEVER TOLD YOU THE TRUTH BACK AGAIN!”]

* * * * *