indeed!  Entered your father’s office as clerk?  Became a partner?  Married your present lady—­when?  In 1860?  Exactly!—­and have offspring?  Your subsequent life comparatively uneventful?  That will do admirably—­infinitely obliged to you, I am sure.  It would be useless to ask you if you would care to have a copy of the work, when issued, forwarded to you—­we can do it for you at the very nominal sum of two guineas, if paid in advance—­a gratifying possession for your children after you have gone, Mr. LANE!  I may put you down?  Thank you.  For two copies?” (On second thoughts, you do order two copies; you can send one out to your married Sister in Australia—­it will amuse her.) “One, two, three, four guineas—­quite correct, Mr. LANE, and you shall have an early opportunity of revising a proof, and we will send down a competent artist, in a day or two, to take the photographs.  Quite an agreeable change in the weather, is it not? Good day!”

[Illustration:  “You may have to wait.”]

He is gone, leaving you to wait for the proof, and the photographer, and the appearance of that great work. Notable Nonentities of Norwood,—­and it is not at all unlikely that you may have to wait a considerable time.

* * * * *

IAGO ON THE GREAT SERMON QUESTION.

  Good name in Mayor or Parson, dear my public,
  Is the immediate jewel of their souls. 
  Who steals my sermon, steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
  ’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been mouthed by dozens;
  But he who “splits” on me as plagiarist,
  Robs me of that which is no good to him,
  And leaves me poor—­in credit.

* * * * *

“WHEREVER WE WANDER,” &c.—­A new book of advice for intending Travellers has recently been published, entitled, “Where to Stay.”  It is both ornamental and useful; but so much depends on ways and means, that, after careful consideration, Mr. Punch, when asked “Where to Stay,” considers the safest answer will always be, “At home.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “CHUCKED!”

["The Bookmakers are in consternation, the Chamber having yesterday (Feb. 28), by 330 Votes to 144, rejected a Bill legalising the pari mutuel, and the Government having pledged itself to enforce the law against gambling.”—­Times Paris Correspondent.]

The Bookie.  “ALL RIGHT, MOSSOO, I’M OFF TO ENGLAND!  THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE ’OME!”]

(EXTRACT OF LETTER FROM DICKY DIDDLUM, BOOKMAKER, PARIS, TO BOUNDING BOB, DITTO, NEWMARKET.)

“...  Our game here appears to be as decidedly hup as the top of the Awful Tower!  Regular mugs, these Mossoos, after all.  Thought we had taught ’em a bit about Ler Sport by this time:  but, bless yer, BOB, once a Pollyvoo, always a Pollyvoo!  No Frenchy really hunderstands a ’Oss, or knows ’ow to make a Book!