But the two chief subjects of discontent, which, in most great changes, in the management of public affairs, are apt to breed differences among those who are in possession, are what I have just now mentioned; a desire of punishing the corruptions of former managers; and the rewarding merit, among those who have been any way instrumental or consenting to the change.  The first of these is a point so nice, that I shall purposely waive it; but the latter I take to fall properly within my district:  By merit I here understand that value which every man puts upon his own deservings from the public.  And I believe there could not be a more difficult employment found out, than that of paymaster general to this sort of merit; or a more noisy, crowded place, than a court of judicature, erected to settle and adjust every man’s claim upon that article.  I imagine, if this had fallen into the fancy of the ancient poets, they would have dressed it up after their manner into an agreeable fiction, and given us a genealogy and description of merit, perhaps not very different from that which follows.

A Poetical Genealogy and Description of MERIT.

That true Merit, was the son of Virtue and Honour; but that there was likewise a spurious child who usurped the name, and whose parents were Vanity and Impudence.  That, at a distance, there was a great resemblance between them, and they were often mistaken for each other.  That the bastard issue had a loud shrill voice, which was perpetually employed in cravings and complaints; while the other never spoke louder than a whisper, and was often so bashful that he could not speak at all.  That in all great assemblies, the false Merit would step before the true, and stand just in his way; was constantly at court, or great men’s levees, or whispering in some minister’s ear.  That the more you fed him, the more hungry and importunate he grew.  That he often passed for the true son of Virtue and Honour, and the genuine for an impostor.  That he was born distorted and a dwarf, but by force of art appeared of a handsome shape, and taller than the usual size; and that none but those who were wise and good, as well as vigilant, could discover his littleness or deformity.  That the true Merit had been often forced to the indignity of applying to the false, for his credit with those in power, and to keep himself from starving.  That he filled the antechambers with a crew of his dependants and creatures, such as projectors, schematises, occasional converts to a party, prostitute flatterers, starveling writers, buffoons, shallow politicians, empty orators, and the like, who all owned him for their patron, and grew discontented if they were not immediately fed.