A lady of Bedford, despotic and rash,
  Tried to force her poor groom to shave off his moustache. 
  Judge BAGSHAWE the wise, made her pay for her prank. 
  This makes one inclined to sing, “I know a Bank,”
  Where BAGSHAWE might bring common-sense, for a change;
  They’re worse than the Lady of Goldington Grange,
  These Banking Bashaws with three tails, who must clip
  Nature’s health-giving gift from a clerk’s chin or lip. 
  Bah!  What are they fit for, these stupid old rules? 
  To be shaped by rich tyrants, obeyed by poor fools!

* * * * *

QUEER QUERIES.

ENGLISH HISTORY.—­I have been reading several books on this subject, and am rather puzzled.  Are the English people, as existing now, Teutons, or Danes, or Celts, or what?  Can we be Teutons when the aborigines of these islands were not Teutonic?  I feel that my own genius—­and I have a lot—­is Celtic; at the same time I have always prided myself on my Norman blood; yet from my liking for the sea, which never makes me sick, at least at Herne Bay, I fancy I must be descended from a Scandinavian Viking.  What is the ethnological name given to a person who is an amalgamation of such heterogeneous elements?—­INQUIRER.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  TOUCHING CONFIDENCE IN THE FOG.

Gentleman of Engaging Manners. “BLESS YOUR ’EART, YOU’LL BE HALL RIGHT ALONG O’ ME, MUM!  LET ME KERRY THE LITTLE BAG FOR YOU, MUM!!”]

* * * * *

THE BRUM AND THE OOLOGIST.

[Mr. W. JAMES asked the LORD ADVOCATE whether his attention had been called to a circular, issued from Birmingham by the Naturalists’ Publishing Company, inviting applications for shares in “An Oological Expedition to the land of the Great Auk,” meaning the Shetland Isles, and stating that, “if the season is a pretty fair one, a haul of at least twenty thousand eggs” of rare sea-birds might be expected.—­Daily Paper.]

  The “Brum” and the Oologist
    Were walking hand in hand;
  They grinned to see so many birds
    On cliff, and rock, and sand. 
  “If we could only get their eggs,”
    Said they, “it would be grand.”

  “If we should start a Company
    To gather eggs all day,
  Do you suppose,” the former said,
    “That we could make it pay?”
  “We might,” said the Oologist,
    “On the promoting lay!”

  “Then you’ve a tongue, and I a ship,
    Likewise some roomy kegs;
  And you might lead the birds a dance
    Upon their ugly legs;
  And, when you’ve got them out of sight,
    I’ll steal their blooming eggs.”

  “Oh, Sea-birds,” said the Midland man,
    “Let’s take a pleasant walk! 
  Perhaps among you we may find
    The Great—­or lesser—­Auk;
  And you might possibly enjoy
    A scientific talk.”