* * * * *

I started up, no more to sleep,
The dream somehow had seemed to spoil it,
Nor did it take me long to leap
Out of my bed and make my toilet. 
I went down-stairs, and with surprise
I thought of those my dream had slandered,
And there, before my very eyes,
I saw it printed in the STANDARD!

  I wish I hadn’t gone to bed. 
    I can’t imagine why I did it. 
  Nor why I laid my weary head
    So that the clothes completely hid it. 
  Although I think that must be why
    My brain has ever since been teeming;
  But tell me (if you can) am I
    At present mad, or was I dreaming?

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “RETIRE!—­WHAT DO YOU THINK?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE STOPPING OR REMOVAL OF A “GRINDER.”

A SKETCH IN THE STREETS.]

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OUR ADVERTISERS.

* * * * *

LITHONODENDRIKON, the new indestructible cloth.

* * * * *

LITHONODENDRIKON is a stubborn and inflexible material.

* * * * *

LITHONODENDRIKON is made, by a new process, from blockwood and paving-stones.

* * * * *

LITHONODENDRIKON, used for gentlemen’s coats, will not only keep out rain and wind, but thunder and lightning.

* * * * *

LITHONODENDRIKON never breaks or bends, but only bursts.

* * * * *

LITHONODENDRIKON.—­A “PURCHASER” writes—­“I sat down in a pair of your trousers, but could never get up again.”

* * * * *

LITHONODENDRIKON.—­Another “CUSTOMER” says—­“The dress-coat you supplied me with fitted me well.  I could not take it off without having recourse to a sledge-hammer.”

* * * * *

UPPER HOUSE COAL COMPANY supply the cheapest and worst in the market.

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UPPER HOUSE COAL COMPANY, hand-picked by the Duke himself, on whose property the mines are situated.

* * * * *

UPPER HOUSE COAL COMPANY, carefully selected, screened and delivered (in the dark), anywhere within a ten-mile radius of Charing Cross at 9s. 6_d_, a ton, for cash on delivery.

* * * * *

UPPER HOUSE COAL COMPANY supply a wonderful article at the price.  Throws down a heavy brown ash.  No flame, no heat.  Frequently explodes, scattering the contents of the grate over the largest room.

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