Title:  Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100., February 7, 1891

Author:  Various

Release Date:  August 1, 2004 [EBook #13074]

Language:  English

Character set encoding:  ASCII

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PUNCH,

Or the London charivari.

Vol. 100.

February 7, 1891.

THE “MODEL HUSBAND” CONTEST.

Scene the first—­AT THE GALAHAD-GREENS’.

Mrs. G.-G. Galahad!

Mr. G.-G. (meekly).  My love?

[Illustration]

Mrs. G.-G. I see that the proprietors of All Sorts are going to follow the American example, and offer a prize of L20 to the wife who makes out the best case for her husband as a Model.  It’s just as well, perhaps, that you should know that I’ve made up my mind to enter you!

Mr. G.-G. (gratified).  My dear Cornelia! really, I’d no idea you had such a—­

Mrs. G.-G. Nonsense!  The drawing-room carpet is a perfect disgrace, and, as you can’t, or won’t, provide the money in any other way, why—­Would you like to hear what I’ve said about you?

Mr. G.-G. Well, if you’re sure it wouldn’t he troubling you too much, I should, my dear.

Mrs. G.-G. Then sit where I can see you, and listen. (She reads.) “Irreproachable in all that pertains to morality”—­(and it would be a bad day indeed for you, GALAHAD, if I ever had cause to think otherwise.’)—­“morality; scrupulously dainty and neat in his person”—­(ah, you may well blush, GALAHAD, but, fortunately, they won’t want me to produce you!)—­“he imports into our happy home the delicate refinement of a preux chevalier of the olden time.” (Will you kindly take your dirty boots off the steel fender!) “We rule our little kingdom with a joint and equal sway, to which jealousy and friction are alike unknown; he, considerate and indulgent to my womanly weakness,”—­(You need not stare at me in that perfectly idiotic fashion!)—­“I, looking to him for the wise and tender support which has never yet been denied.  The close and daily scrutiny of many years has discovered”—­(What are you shaking like that for?)—­“discovered no single weakness; no taint or flaw of character; no irritating trick of speech or habit.” (How often have I told you that I will not have the handle of that paper-knife sucked?  Put it down; do!) “His conversation—­sparkling but ever spiritual—­renders our modest meals veritable feasts of fancy and flows of soul ... Well, GALAHAD?