Jimmy’s Father. Will you stop pinching my little boy’s legs!  He ain’t doing you no ’arm—­is he?

The Pinching Pittite.  Let him sit down, then!

Jimmy’s Father. Let the lady take her ’at off!

Murmurs behind. Order, there!  Set down!  Put that boy down!  Take orf that ’at!  Silence in front, there!  Turn ’em out!  Shame!... &c., &c.

The Husband of the O. of the H. (in a whisper to his Wife).  Take off the blessed ’at, and have done with it, do!

The O. of the H. What—­now?  I’d sooner die in the ’at!

    [An Attendant is called.

The Attendant. Order, there, Gentlemen, please—­unless you want to get turned out!  No standing allowed on the seats—­you’re disturbing the performance ’ere, you know!

    [JIMMY is made to sit down, and weeps silently; the hubbub
    gradually subsides—­and The Owner of the Hat triumphs—­for
    the moment.

Jimmy’s Mother. Never mind, my boy, you shall have Mother’s seat in a minute.  I dessay, if all was known, the lady ’as reasons for keeping her ’at on, pore thing!

The Father. Ah, I never thought o’ that.  So she may.  Very likely her ’at won’t come off—­not without her ’air!

The Mother. Ah, well, we musn’t be ’ard on her, if that’s so.

The O. of the H. (removing the obstruction).  I ’ope you’re satisfied now, I’m sure?

The Father (handsomely).  Better late nor never, Mum, and we take it kind of you.  Though, why you shouldn’t ha’ done it at fust, I dunno; for you look a deal ’ansomer without the ’at than, what you did in it—­don’t she, MARIA?

The O. of the H. (mollified).  SAM, ask the gentleman behind if his boy would like a ginger-nut.

    [This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass; cordiality
    is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without further
    disturbance.

* * * * *

SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!

(A PAGE FROM THE BOOK OF PHILANTHROPY.)

The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great and Good Man.  It was their duty to obtain a donation—­an ample one—­from the Millionnaire whose charity was renowned far and wide, from one end of the world to the other.  At length he appeared before them.

[Illustration]

“What can I do for you?” he asked, with a smile that absolutely shone with benevolence.

“You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter are numerous, and difficult to meet?”

“Certainly I do,” returned the Man of Wealth, “and hope that you are about to ask me for a subscription.”

“Indeed we were,” cried the spokesman of the Committee, his eyes filling with grateful tears.  “May I put you down for five pounds?”