of his arm operating as a centripetal power, and the
bucket, which was a substitute for the earth, describing
a circular orbit round about the globular head and
ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed
no bad representation of the sun. All of these
particulars were duly explained to the class of gaping
students around him. He apprised them, moreover,
that the same principle of gravitation which retained
the water in the bucket restrains the ocean from flying
from the earth in its rapid revolutions; and he farther
informed them that should the motion of the earth
be suddenly checked, it would incontinently fall into
the sun, through the centripetal force of gravitation:
a most ruinous event to this planet, and one which
would also obscure, though it most probably would
not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky
stripling, one of those vagrant geniuses who seem
sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men of
the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the
correctness of the experiment, suddenly arrested the
arm of the professor just at the moment that the bucket
was in its zenith, which immediately descended with
astonishing precision upon the philosophic head of
the instructor of youth. A hollow sound, and
a red-hot hiss, attended the contact; but the theory
was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate
bucket perished in the conflict; but the blazing countenance
of Professor Von Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the
waters, glowing fiercer than ever with unutterable
indignation, whereby the students were marvelously
edified, and departed considerably wiser than before.
It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes
many a painstaking philosopher, that nature often
refuses to second his most profound and elaborate
efforts; so that often after having invented one of
the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable,
she will have the perverseness to act directly in
the teeth of his system, and flatly contradict his
most favorite positions. This is a manifest and
unmerited grievance, since it throws the censure of
the vulgar and unlearned entirely upon the philosopher;
whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to his theory,
which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness
of Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness
of her sex, is continually indulging in coquetries
and caprices, and seems really to take pleasure in
violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most
learned and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus
it happened with respect to the foregoing satisfactory
explanation of the motion of our planet; it appears
that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to
operate, while its antagonist remains in undiminished
potency: the world, therefore, according to the
theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety
to tumble into the sun; philosophers were convinced
that it would do so, and awaited in anxious impatience
the fulfillment of their prognostics. But the