I know now; it was a desire to be at one with myself, to understand myself.  Myself in the world, and the world in me.

* * * * *

The vain man is the loneliest of human beings.  He is constantly longing to be seen, understood, acknowledged, admired, and loved.

I could say much on the subject, for I too was once vain.  It was only in actual solitude that I conquered the loneliness of vanity.  It is enough for me that I exist.

How far removed this is from all that is mere show.

* * * * *

Now I understand my father’s last act.  He did not mean to punish me.  His only desire was to arouse me; to lead me to self-consciousness; to the knowledge which, teaching us to become different from what we are, saves us.

* * * * *

I understand the inscription in my father’s library:—­“When I am alone, then am I least alone.”

Yes; when alone, one can more perfectly lose himself in the life universal.  I have lived and have come to know the truth.  I can now die.

* * * * *

He who is at one with himself, possesses all....

I believe that I know what I have done.  I have no compassion for myself. 
This is my full confession.

I have sinned—­not against nature, but against the world’s rules.  Is that sin?  Look at the tall pines in yonder forest.  The higher the tree grows, the more do the lower branches die away; and thus the tree in the thick forest is protected and sheltered by its fellows, but can nevertheless not perfect itself in all directions.

I desired to lead a full and complete life and yet to be in the forest, to be in the world and yet in society.  But he who means to live thus, must remain in solitude.  As soon as we become members of society, we cease to be mere creatures of nature.  Nature and morality have equal rights, and must form a compact with each other; and where there are two powers with equal rights, there must be mutual concessions.

Herein lies my sin.

He who desires to live a life of nature alone, must withdraw himself from the protection of morality.  I did not fully desire either the one or the other; hence I was crushed and shattered.

My father’s last action was right.  He avenged the moral law, which is just as human as the law of nature.  The animal world knows neither father nor mother, so soon as the young is able to take care of itself.  The human world does know them and must hold them sacred.

I see it all quite clearly.  My sufferings and my expiation are deserved.  I was a thief!  I stole the highest treasures of all:  confidence, love, honor, respect, splendor.

How noble and exalted the tender souls appear to themselves when a poor rogue is sent to jail for having committed a theft!  But what are all possessions which can be carried away, when compared with those that are intangible!