Thus, by the covetousness of this woman, who was the grey mare, and the folly of the master, who, in anything but Greek and Latin, was an ass, my good principles were nearly eradicated from my bosom, and in their place were sown seeds which very shortly produced an abundant harvest.

There was a boy at our school lately imported from the East Indies.  We nick-named him Johnny Pagoda.  He was remarkable for nothing but ignorance, impudence, great personal strength, and, as we thought, determined resolution.  He was about nineteen years of age.  One day he incurred the displeasure of the master, who, enraged at his want of comprehension and attention, struck him over the head with a knotted cane.  This appeal, although made to the least sensitive part of his frame, roused the indolent Asiatic from his usual torpid state.  The weapon, in the twinkling of an eye, was snatched out of the hand, and suspended over the head of the astonished pedagogue, who, seeing the tables so suddenly turned against him, made the signal for assistance.  I clapped my hands, shouted “Bravo! lay on, Johnny—­go it—­you have done it now—­you may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb;” but the ushers began to muster round, the boy hung aloof, and Pagoda, uncertain which side the neutrals would take, laid down his arms, and surrendered at discretion.

Had the East-Indian followed up his act by the application of a little discipline at the fountain-head, it is more than probable that a popular commotion, not unlike that of Mas’ Aniello would have ensued; but the time was not come:  the Indian showed a white feather, was laughed at, flogged, and sent home to his friends, who had intended him for the bar; but foreseeing that he might, in the course of events, chance to cut a figure on the wrong side of it, sent him to sea, where his valour, if he had any, would find more profitable employment.

This unsuccessful attempt of the young Oriental, was the primary cause of all my fame and celebrity in after-life.  I had always hated school; and this, of all others, seemed to me the most hateful.  The emancipation of Johnny Pagoda convinced me that my deliverance might be effected in a similar manner.  The train was laid, and a spark set it on fire.  This spark was supplied by the folly and vanity of a fat French dancing-master.  These Frenchmen are ever at the bottom of mischief.  Mrs Higginbottom, the master’s wife, had denounced me to Monsieur Aristide Maugrebleu as a mauvais sujet; and as he was a creature of hers, he frequently annoyed me to gratify his patroness.  This fellow was at that time about forty-five years of age, and had much more experience than agility, having greatly increased his bulk by the roast beef and ale of England.  While he taught us the rigadoons of his own country, his vanity induced him to attempt feats much above the cumbrous weight of his frame.  I entered the lists with him, beat him at his own trade, and he beat me with his fiddle-stick, which broke in two over my head; then, making one more glorious effort to show that he would not be outdone, snapped the tendon Achilles, and down he fell, hors de combat as a dancing-master.  He was taken away in his gig to be cured, and I was taken into the school-room to be flogged.