A quickened circulation of blood, a fear of immediate death, and a still greater fear of shame, forced me to an involuntary and frequent change of position; and it required some time, and the best powers of intellect, to reason myself into that frame of mind in which I could feel as safe and as unconcerned as if we had been in harbour.  To this state I at last did attain, and soon felt ashamed of the perturbation under which I had laboured before the firing began.  I prayed, it is true:  but my prayer was not that of faith, of trust, or of hope—­I prayed only for safety from imminent personal danger; and my orisons consisted of one or two short, pious ejaculations, without a thought of repentance for the past or amendment for the future.

But when we had once got fairly into action, I felt no more of this, and beheld a poor creature cut in two by a shot with the same indifference that at any other time I should have seen a butcher kill an ox.  Whether my heart was bad or not, I cannot say; but I certainly felt my curiosity was gratified more than my feelings were shocked when a raking shot killed seven and wounded three more.  I was sorry for the men, and, for the world, would not have injured them; but I had a philosophic turn of mind; I liked to judge of causes and effects; and I was secretly pleased at seeing the effect of a raking shot.

Towards four P.M. the firing began to abate, the smoke cleared away, and the calm sea became ruffled with an increasing breeze.  The two hostile fleets were quiet spectators of each other’s disasters.  We retained possession of nineteen or twenty sail of the line.  Some of the enemy’s ships were seen running away into Cadiz; while four others passed to windward of our fleet, and made their escape.  A boat going from our ship to one near us, I jumped into her, and learned the death of Lord Nelson, which I communicated to the captain, who, after paying a tribute to the memory of that great man, looked at me with much complacency.  I was the only youngster that had been particularly active, and he immediately despatched me with a message to a ship at a short distance.  The first lieutenant asked if he should not send an officer of more experience.  “No,” said the captain, “he shall go; the boy knows very well what he is about!” and away I went, not a little proud of the confidence placed in me.

Further details of this eventful day are to be found recorded in our national histories; it will, therefore, be needless to repeat them here.  When I met my messmates at supper in the berth, I was sorry to see Murphy among them.  I had flattered myself that some fortunate shot would have for ever divested me of any further care on his account; but his time was not come.

“The devil has had a fine haul to-day!” said an old master’s mate, as he took up his glass of grog.

“Pity you, and some others I could name, had not been in the net!” thinks I to myself.