“Because,” said I, “my orders are only to give them when the side is piped.”

“And why was not the side piped for me, Sir?”

“Because, Sir, we never pipe the side until we know who it is for.”

“As sure as I shall sit in the House of Peers, I will report you to your captain for this,” said he.

“We only pipe the side for officers in uniform,” said I; “and I am yet to learn by what right you demand that honour.”

“I am, Sir,” said he (showing his card), “...., &c.  Do you know me now?”

“Yes, Sir,” said I, “as a gentleman; but until I see you in a captain’s uniform, I cannot give you the honours you demand:”  as I said this, I touched my hat respectfully.

“Then, Sir,” said he, “as sure as I shall sit in the House of Peers, I shall let you know more of this:”  and having asked whether the captain was on board, and received an answer in the negative, he turned round and went down the side into his boat, without giving me an opportunity of supplying him with a pair of clean ropes.  He pulled away for the shore, and I never heard any thing more of the dirty ropes and soiled gloves.

This officer, I afterwards learned, was in the habit of interlarding his discourse with this darling object of his ambition; but as he is now a member of the Upper House, it is to be supposed he has exchanged the affidavit for some other.  While he commanded a ship, he used to say, “As sure as I shall sit in the House of Peers, I will flog you, my man;” and when this denunciation had passed his lips, the punishment was never remitted.  With us, the reverse of this became our bye-word; lieutenants, midshipmen, sailors and marines, asserted their claim to veracity by saying, “As sure as I shall not sit in the House of Peers.”

This was the noble lord, who when in the command of one of his Majesty’s ships in China, employed a native of that country to take his portrait.  The resemblance not having been flattering, the artist was sharply rebuked by his patron.  The poor man replied, “Ai awe, master, how can handsome face make if handsome face no have got?” This story has, like many other good stories, been pirated, and applied to other cases; but I claim it as the legitimate property of the navy, and can vouch for its origin as I have related.

My messmates dropped in one after another until our number was completed; and at length a note, in an envelope addressed to the first lieutenant “on service,” and marked on the lower left hand corner with the name of the noble writer, announced that our captain would make his appearance on the following day.  We were of course prepared to receive him in our full uniforms with our cocked hats and swords, with the marine guard under arms.  He came alongside at half-past twelve o’clock, when the men were at dinner, an unusual hour to select, as it is not the custom ever to disturb them at their meals if it can be avoided.  He appeared in a sort of undress frock coat, fall down collar, anchor buttons, no epaulettes, and a lancer’s cap, with a broad gold band.