“Of which the corporal was the rump,” interrupted the doctor.
The captain looked grave.
“You found it warm in that country?” inquired the surgeon.
“Warm!” exclaimed the captain; “I’ll tell you what, doctor, when you go where you have sent many a patient, and where, for that very reason, you certainly will go, I only hope, for your sake, and for that of your profession in general, that you will not find it quite so hot as we found it in Egypt. What do you think of nineteen of my men being killed by the concentrated rays of light falling on the barrels of the sentinels’ bright muskets, and setting fire to the powder? I commanded a mortar battery at Acre, and I did the French infernal mischief with the shells. I used to pitch in among them when they had sat down to dinner: but how do you think the scoundrels weathered on me at last? D——n me, they trained a parcel of poodle dogs to watch the shells when they fell, and then to run and pull the fuses out with their teeth. Did you ever hear of such d——d villains? By this means, they saved hundreds of men, and only lost half a dozen dogs—fact, by G——; only ask Sir Sydney Smith; he’ll tell you the same, and a d——d sight more.”
The volubility of his tongue was only equalled by the rapidity of his invention and the powers of mastication; for, during the whole of this entertaining monodrame, his teeth were in constant motion, like the traversing beam of a steam boat; and as he was our captain as well as our guest, he certainly took the lion’s share of the repast.
“But, I say, Soundings,” said he, addressing himself familiarly to the master, who had not been long in the vessel, “let us see what sort of stuff you have stowed the fore-hold with. You know I am a water drinker; give me only the pure limpid stream, and a child may lead me. I seldom touch liquor when the water is good.” So saying, he poured out a tumbler, and held it to his nose. “Stinks like h——! I say, master, are you sure the bungs are in your casks? The cats have been contributing to the fluid. We must qualify this;” and having poured one-half of the water, which by the by was very good, he supplied the vacancy with rum. Then tasting it, he said, “Come, Miss Puss; this will rouse you out, at any rate.”
A moment’s pause, while he held the bumper before his eye, and then, down it went, producing no other emotion than a deep sigh. “By the by, that’s well thought of—we’ll have no cats in the ship (except those which the depravity of human nature unhappily compels the boatswain to use). Mr Skysail, you’ll look to that. Throw them all overboard.”
Taking his hat, he rose from the table, and mounting the ladder, “On second thought,” said he, addressing Skysail again, “I won’t throw the cats overboard; the sailors have a foolish superstition about that animal—its d——d unlucky. No; put them alive in a bread-bag, and send them on shore in the bum-boat.”