This question, like the blow of the auctioneer’s hammer, ends all discussion; for captains, on these occasions, never gainsay each other; I was told that my passing certificate would be signed.  I made my best bow and my exit, reflecting, as I returned to the “sheep pen,” that I had nearly lost my promotion by wounding their vanity, and had regained my ground by flattering it.  Thus the world goes on; and from my earliest days, my mind was strengthened and confirmed in every vice by the pernicious example of my superiors.

I might have passed much more easily abroad.  I remember, one fine day at sea, in the West Indies, a boat was lowered down, and sent with a young midshipman (whose time was not fairly served, and whose age and appearance indicated anything but nautical knowledge) to a ship then in company; in a quarter of an hour he returned, with his passing certificate.  We were all astonished, and inquired what questions were put to him; he said, “None at all, except as to the health of my father and mother; and whether I would have port or white wine and water.  On coming away,” the brat added, “one of the captains desired I would, when I wrote home, give his best respects to Lord and Lady G. He had ordered a turkey to be picked and put in the boat for me, and wished me success.”

This boy was soon afterwards made a post-captain; but fortunately for the service, died on his passage to England.

There was certainly some difference between this examination and mine; but when it was over, I rejoiced at the severity of my ordeal.  My pride, my darling pride, was tickled at the triumph of my talents; and as I wiped away the perspiration from my forehead, I related my difficulties, my trials, and my success, with a degree of self-complacency that in any other person I should have called egregious vanity.  One good effect resulted from my long examination, which continued an hour and a half—­this was, that the captains passed all the other midshipmen with very few questions.  They were tired of their employment; and thus it was only the poor unlucky devils that took off the fiery edge of their morning zeal, who suffered; and among “the plucked,” it was known there were much cleverer fellows than many of those who had come off with flying colours.

There was one circumstance which amused me.  When the captains came on deck, the little Chili Vinegar called me to him, and enquired whether I was any relation of Mr ——.  I replied that he was my uncle.

“Bless my soul, Sir! why he is my most intimate friend.  Why did you not tell me you were his nephew?”

I answered with an affected humility, very nearly allied to impertinence, that I could not see by his face that he knew my uncle; nor, indeed, had I known it, should I have thought it delicate to have mentioned it at such a time; as it might not only have implied a want of confidence in my own abilities, but also a suspicion that he might, by such a communication, have been induced to deviate from the rigid path of his duty, and might therefore have received it as a personal affront.