I met this charming lady—­never mind how long ago—­
  In that prehistoric period I was reckoned quite a beau: 
  You’d never think it of me if you chanced to see me now,
  With my shrunken shanks and dreary eyes and deeply furrowed brow;
  But I was young and chipper when I joined that brisk campaign
  At Utica to storm the heart of Mrs. Billy Crane.

  We called her Ella in those days, as trim a little minx
  As ever fascinated man with coquetries, methinks! 
  I saw her home from singing-school a million times I guess,
  And purred around her domicile three winters, more or less,
  And brought her lozenges and things—­alas:  ’twas all in vain—­
  She was predestined to become a Mrs. Billy Crane!

  That Mr. Billy came in smart and handsome, I’ll aver,
  Yet, with all his brains and beauty, he’s not good enough for her: 
  Now, though I’m somewhat homely and in gumption quite a dolt,
  The quality of goodness is my best and strongest holt,
  And as goodness is the only human thing that doesn’t wane,
  I wonder she preferred to wed with Mr. Billy Crane.

  Yet heaven has blessed her all these years—­she’s just as blithe and gay
  As when the belle of Utica, and she ain’t grown old a day! 
  Her face is just as pretty and her eyes as bright as then—­
  Egad! their gracious magic makes me feel a boy again,
  And still I court (as still I were a callow, York State swain)
  With hecatombs of lozenges that Mrs. Billy Crane!

  That she has heaps of faculty her husband can’t deny—­
  Whenever he don’t toe the mark she knows the reason why: 
  She handles all the moneys and receipts, which as a rule
  She carries around upon her arm in a famous reticule,
  And Billy seldom gets a cent unless he can explain
  The wherefores and etceteras to Mrs. Billy Crane!

  Yet O ye gracious actors! with uppers on your feet,
  And O ye bankrupt critics! athirst for things to eat—­
  Did you ever leave her presence all unrequited when
  In an hour of inspiration you struck her for a ten? 
  No! never yet an applicant there was did not obtain
  A solace for his misery from Mrs. Billy Crane.

  Dear little Lady-Ella! (let me call you that once more,
  In memory of the happy days in Utica of yore)
  If I could have the ordering of blessings here below,
  I might keep some small share myself, but most of ’em should go
  To you—­yes, riches, happiness, and health should surely rain
  Upon the temporal estate of Mrs. Billy Crane!

  You’re coming to Chicago in a week or two and then. 
  In honor of that grand event, I shall blossom out again
  In a brand-new suit of checkered tweed and a low-cut satin vest
  I shall be the gaudiest spectacle in all the gorgeous West! 
  And with a splendid coach and four I’ll meet you at the train—­
  So don’t forget the reticule, dear Mrs. Billy Crane!_