Today Nachman called on me.  He took me to the Square and when we were sitting on a bench, he said, that “It was well done” ("that’s all right, sir, perfectly all right"), but if he were in my place he would go away.  “It’s easy,” he continued,—­“supposing I give you a good letter of recommendation to my people in Ekaterinburg?  The interesting part of all of this,—­believe me, has started only.  Don’t fear me,—­this scabby Jew, this very Nachman,—­will not betray.”

I thought it over and said: 

“I would do so, if I only could leave some trace here.  A friend may ask for me here, and I would be sore if she could not find me,—­if she only cares.”

“Oh, she will,” he laughed, “she will.  Of course, I am not posted in your personal affairs, but—­a lady always can find one, if she cares.  Ha-ha-ha!  Youth is always youth!  But you better go without leaving traces....”

I continued: 

“Nachman, there is another thing.  Here is an old man,—­a friend of mine,—­he is very sick.  His days are numbered, and I feel very sorry for him.  If I go away all will be lost for this old chap; he has nobody in this world.  Could you use your power and place him in a hospital?  I will give you money, of course,—­I have some.”

Nachman sighed:  “This is so out of time!  Nowadays love and charity are much more dangerous than murders and thefts.”

Then after a pause, he continued;

“Very well, friend, I will take care of your man.  Hand me the money.”

Then he gave me a letter to his friends in Ekaterinburg (it was ready in his pocket) and we parted.

I am free, happy, independent, with a good standing amongst the present Russians.  And if only she could be near me ... but there is no perfect happiness on this strangest of planets of ours.

53

(pages missing)

... heavy trucks, and other military paraphernalia.  Some of the men on them surely are not Russians, Letts, or Germans, or ...

(nine lines scratched out)

...  I don’t know whether it was Nachman’s talk or the truth.

Anyhow I am going away,—­again alone,—­alone forever.  Damn life!  I cannot look backwards—­I feel sorry for my past; the present—­is sufficiently bad not to speak of it; the future—­is just as dark—­as this night.  Not a star, not a single star.

The old man was taken to the People’s Hospital this afternoon.  He thanked me.

54

... starting rumors of the killing of the whole Family, and always emphasizing that this tragedy—­was the supreme penalty brought to the altar by the Emperor.

Nachman, and others, who—­it seems to me, know what they are talking about, foresee many chances; the best of them, is of course the fact, that some ...

(few lines scratched out)