Such was William Perry Peters, and I feel a poignant sense
Of grief that I’m unable to employ the present tense;
But Providence disposes, be our scheming what it may,
And disposed of Mr. Peters in a cold, regardless way.

It occurred in San Francisco, whither Mr. Peters came
In the cause of Education, feeling still the holy flame
Of ambition to assist in lifting up the human mind
To a higher plane of knowledge than its Architect designed.

He attended the convention of the pedagogic host;
He was first in the Pavilion, he was last to leave his post. 
For days and days he narrowly observed the Chairman’s eye,
His efforts ineffectual to catch it on the fly.

The blessed moment came at last:  the Chairman tipped his head. 
“The gentleman from ah—­um—­er,” that functionary said. 
The gentleman from ah—­um—­er reflected with a grin: 
“They’ll know me better by-and-by, when I’m a-chipping in.”

So William Perry Peters mounted cheerfully his feet—­
And straightway was aglow with an incalculable heat! 
His face was as effulgent as a human face could be,
And caloric emanated from his whole periphery;

For he felt himself the focus of non-Muscatelish eyes,
And the pain of their convergence was a terror and surprise. 
As with pitiless impaction all their heat-waves on him broke
He was seen to be evolving awful quantities of smoke!

“Put him out!” cried all in chorus; but the meaning wasn’t clear
Of that succoring suggestion to his obfuscated ear;
And it notably augmented his incinerating glow
To regard himself excessive, or in any way de trop.

Gone was all his wild ambition to lift up the human mind!—­
Gone the words he would have uttered!—­gone the thought that lay behind! 
For “words that burn” may be consumed in a superior flame,
And “thoughts that breathe” may breathe their last, and die a death of shame.

He’d known himself a shining light, but never had he known
Himself so very luminous as now he knew he shone. 
“A pillar, I, of fire,” he’d said, “to guide my race will be;”
And now that very inconvenient thing to him was he.

He stood there all irresolute; the seconds went and came;
The minutes passed and did but add fresh fuel to his flame. 
How long he stood he knew not—­’twas a century or more—­
And then that incandescent man levanted for the door!

He darted like a comet from the building to the street,
Where Fahrenheit attested ninety-five degrees of heat. 
Vicissitudes of climate make the tenure of the breath
Precarious, and William Perry Peters froze to death!

TWIN UNWORTHIES

Ye parasites that to the rich men stick,
As to the fattest sheep the thrifty tick—­
Ed’ard to Stanford and to Crocker Ben
(To Ben and Ed’ard many meaner men,
And lice to these)—­who do the kind of work
That thieves would have the honesty to shirk—­
Whose wages are that your employers own
The fat that reeks upon your every bone
And deigns to ask (the flattery how sweet!)
About its health and how it stands the heat,—­
Hail and farewell!  I meant to write about you,
But, no, my page is cleaner far without you.