Whom, to prevent a religious debate,
The Warden had banished outside of the gate. 
The fiddler, fiddling his hardest the while,
“Called off” in the regular foot-hill style: 
“Circle to the left!” and “Forward and back!”
And “Hellum to port for the stabbard tack!”
(This great virtuoso, it would appear,
Was Mate of the Gatherer many a year.)
“Ally man left!”—­to a painful degree
His French was unlike to the French of Paree,
As heard from our countrymen lately abroad,
And his “doe cee doe” was the gem of the fraud. 
But what can you hope from a gentleman barred
From circles of culture by dogs in the yard? 
’Twas a glorious dance, though, all the same,
The Jardin Mabille in the days of its fame
Never saw legs perform such springs—­
The cold-chisel’s magic had given them wings. 
They footed it featly, those lades and gents: 
Dull care (said Long Moll) had a helly go-hence!

’Twas a very aristocratic affair: 
The creme de la creme and elite were there—­
Rank, beauty and wealth from the highest sets,
And Hubert Howe Bancroft sent his regrets.

A PRAYER

Sweet Spirit of Cesspool, hear a mother’s prayer: 
Her terrors pacify and offspring spare! 
Upon Silurians alone let fall
(And God in Heaven have mercy on them all!)
The red revenges of your fragrant breath,
Hot with the flames invisible of death. 
Sing in each nose a melody of smells,
And lead them snoutwise to their several hells!

TO ONE DETESTED

Sir, you’re a veteran, revealed
  In history and fable
As warrior since you took the field,
    Defeating Abel.

As Commissary later (or
  If not, in every cottage
The tale is) you contracted for
    A mess of pottage.

In civil life you were, we read
  (And our respect increases)
A man of peace—­a man, indeed,
    Of thirty pieces.

To paying taxes when you turned
  Your mind, or what you call so,
A wide celebrity you earned—­
    Saphira also.

In every age, by various names,
  You’ve won renown in story,
But on your present record flames
    A greater glory.

Cain, Esau, and Iscariot, too,
  And Ananias, likewise,
Each had peculiar powers, but who
    Could lie as Mike lies?

THE BOSS’S CHOICE

Listen to his wild romances: 
He advances foolish fancies,
Each expounded as his “view”—­
                  Gu.

In his brain’s opacous clot, ah
He has got a maggot!  What a
Man with “views” to overwhelm us!—­
           Gulielmus.

Hear his demagogic clamor—­
Hear him stammer in his grammar! 
Teaching, he will learn to spell—­
      Gulielmus L.