“In this suspense, the undesigned rustling of my night-gown, from changing my posture, alarming the watchful Pamela, she in a fright came towards the closet to see who was there.  What could I then do, but bolt out upon the apprehensive charmer; and having so done, and she running to the bed, screaming to Mrs. Jervis, would not any man have followed her thither, detected as I was?  But yet, I said, if she forbore her screaming, I would do her no harm; but if not, she should take the consequence.  I found, by their exclamations, that this would pass with both for an attempt of the worst kind; but really I had no such intentions as they feared.  When I found myself detected; when the dear frightened girl ran to the bed; when Mrs. Jervis threw herself about her; when they would not give over their hideous squallings; when I was charged by Mrs. Jervis with the worst designs; it was enough to make me go farther than I designed; and could I have prevailed upon Mrs. Jervis to go up, and quiet the maids, who seemed to be rising, upon the other screaming, I believe, had Pamela kept out of her fit, I should have been a little freer with her, than ever I had been; but, as it was, I had no thought but of making as honourable a retreat as I could, and to save myself from being exposed to my whole family:  and I was not guilty of any freedoms, that her modesty, unaffrighted, could reproach herself with having suffered; and the dear creature’s fainting fits gave me almost as great apprehensions as I could give her.

“Thus, ladies—­and, my lord—­have I tediously, and little enough to my own reputation, given you my character, and told you more against myself than any one person could accuse me of.  Whatever redounds to the credit of my Pamela, redounds in part to my own; and so I have the less regret to accuse myself, since it exalts her.  But as to a formed intention to hide myself in the closet, in order to attempt the girl by violence, and in the presence of a good woman, as Mrs. Jervis is, which you impute to me, bad as I was, I was not so vile, so abandoned as that.

“Love, as I said before, subjects its inconsiderate votaries to innumerable meannesses, and unlawful passion to many more.  I could not live without this dear girl.  I hated the thoughts of matrimony with any body:  and to be brought to the state by my mother’s waiting-maid.—­’Forbid it, pride!’ thought I; ’forbid it, example! forbid it, all my past sneers, and constant ridicule, both on the estate, and on those who descended to inequalities in it! and, lastly, forbid it my family spirit, so visible in Lady Davers, as well as in myself, to whose insults, and those of all the world, I shall be obnoxious, if I take such a step!’