* * * * *

[Illustration:  Patent inflated safety skating costume for ice or Rink.]

* * * * *

Auditors in Wonderland.

“If you please,” said the Auditor of the Tottenham School Board accounts, “would you explain to me what that curious thing is that you have got in your hand?”

“With pleasure,” replied the White Knight, who had recently been elected as a Member of the Board.  “It’s a Tellurium.”

“I see that it cost the ratepayers four pounds to buy.  What is the use of it?”

“Use?” said the White Knight, in mild surprise.  “Oh, it’s a most useful thing.  A child who can’t think of the right answer to a question about the stars, only has to put this thing on its head—­at Examination time, you know—­and it at once remembers all about it.  It’s got Electricity or something inside it.  And the shape is my own invention.”

“That’s why it’s called a Tellurium, then,” remarked the Auditor, who could hardly help laughing, it all seemed so strange; “because, when they put it on, the children tell you the answer you want?”

“Yes; and WILLIAM TELL put an apple on his head, or on somebody else’s head, and I thought the name would remind the children of that fact.”

“Then the School must win an increased Government Grant, with this thing to help them,” said the Auditor.

“Well,” said the Knight, more despondently, “they have hardly had time to try it yet.  In fact,” he added, still more gloomily, “their teachers won’t let them try it.  But it’s really an admirable idea, if it could be tried.”  And the White Knight fastened the curious object on his own head, whence it immediately fell with a crash upon the floor.

“It’s too ridiculous!” exclaimed the Auditor, bursting into a little laugh.  “I declare a Hektograph would be as useful for the children as this thing!”

“Would it?” asked the White Knight.  “Does a Hektograph work well?  Then we’ll get one or two—­several.”

“And I notice,” the Auditor went on, “that there is a thing called a Cyclostyle put down in the accounts.  Please will you tell me what a Cyclostyle is, and what use it is for purposes of elementary education?”

“With pleasure,” replied the White Knight, who seemed quite cheerful again; “it’s an apparatus for catching cycles, if any should take to going round and round the room when the children are at their lessons.  It does it in style, you see.”

“But,” said the Auditor, “it’s not very likely that any cyclists would care to wheel their machines into a Board School, is it?”

“Not very likely, I daresay,” the Knight answered, eagerly; “but, if any do come, I don’t intend that we shall be without a machine for catching them quickly.  And the plan is my own invention!”