So Mary’s lamb the ocean crossed
    By “Frozen Parcel Post;”
  And Mary’s Cousin said its chops
    Were most delicious—­most!

  MORAL.

  Science, though it pays “cent. per cent.,”
    Is destitute of pity;
  And makes hash of the sentiment
    Dear to the Nursery ditty.

* * * * *

ROBERT AS HUMPIRE.

I was a takin of my favrit walk, larst Friday was a week, from Charing Cross round to my own privet residence in Queen street, when a yung lad tapped me on the sholder and said to me, “Please, Sir, are you the sillybrated Mr. ROBERT, the Citty Waiter?” In course I replied, “Yes, most suttenly;” when he said, “Then this yere letter’s for you, and I wants a emediat arnser.”  Concealing my wisibel estonishment, I took him hup Healy Place, where the werry famous Lawyer lives, as can git you out of any amownt of trubbel, and then opened the letter, and read the following most estonishing words, wiz.:—­“Mr. ROBERT,—­can you come immediately to the ——­ Club, as you alone can decide a very heavy wager that is now pending between two Noble Lords who are here awaiting your arrival.  You will be well paid for your trouble.  The Bearer will show you the way.—­J.N.”  I coud learn nothink from my jewwenile guide, so I told him to lead the way, and off we started, and soon arived at the Club.

I need ardly say that, being all quite fust-rate swells, they receaved me in the most kindest manner, and ewen smiled upon me most freely, which in course I felt as a great complement.

One on ’em then adrest me sumwot as follers, “I’m sure, Mr. ROBERT, we are all werry much obliged to you for coming so reddily at my request.”  At which they all cried, “Here! here!” “You of coarse understand what we wish you to do.”  To which I at once replide, “Quite so, my noble swells.”  At which they all larfed quite lowd, tho’ I’m sure I don’t kno why.  He then said that it was thort better not to menshun the names of any of the Gents present, and he then presented me with a little packet, which he requested I woud not open till I got home, and then proseeded to xplain the Wager, somthink like this.  Two of the noble Lords present, it apeared, had disagreed upon a certain matter, and, wanting a Humpire of caracter and xperience to decide between them, had both agreed to a surgestion that had bin made, that of all the many men in London none coudn’t be considered more fitter for the post than Mr. ROBERT, the sillybrated Citty Waiter!

I rayther thinks as I blusht wisibly, and I knos as I bust out into a perfuse prusperashun, but I didn’t say a word, but pulled myself together as I can ginerally do when I feels as it’s necessary to manetane my good charackter.  He then said, “The question for you to deside is this:  At a great and most himportant Dinner that is about to be held soon, at which most of the werry grandest swells left in Lundon