of Olympus before it reaches the right one.  The rule has its origin in the principle which governs the passing of wine at well-regulated British dinner-tables.  That is, if you wish to offer a glass of port to your neighbour on your right, you hand the decanter to the neighbour on your left, so that the original object of your hospitality receives it, probably empty, only after a complete circuit of the table.  In the present instance, the gentleman upon your right is the President of the Washer Department, situated somewhere in the Army Ordnance Office, the remaining guests representing the other centres of Olympian activity.  For every department your application misses, you lose a life, three lost lives amounting to disqualification.

When the washers are issued, however, the port-wine rule is abandoned; and the washers are despatched to you, in defiance of all the laws of superstition and tradition, “widdershins,” or counter-clockwise.  No wonder articles thus jeopardised often fail to reach their destination!

Your last fence comes when you receive a document from Olympus announcing that your washers are now prepared for you, and that if you will sign and return the enclosed receipt they will be sent off upon their last journey.  You are now in the worst dilemma of all.  Olympus will not disgorge your washers until it has your receipt.  On the other hand, if you send the receipt, Olympus can always win the game by losing the washers, and saying that you have got them.  In the face of your own receipt you cannot very well deny this.  So you lose your washers, and the game, and are also made liable for the misappropriation of two washers, for which Olympus holds your receipt.

Truly, the gods play with loaded dice.

On the whole, the simplest (and almost universal) plan is to convey a couple of washers from some one else’s gun.

The game just described is played chiefly by officers; but this is a democratic age, and the rank and file are now occasionally permitted to take part.

For example, boots.  Private M’Splae is the possessor, we will say, of a pair of flat feet, or arched insteps, or other military incommodities, and his regulation boots do not fit him.  More than that, they hurt him exceedingly, and as he is compelled to wear them through daily marches of several miles, they gradually wear a hole in his heel, or a groove in his instep, or a gathering on his great toe.  So he makes the first move in the game, and reports sick—­“sair feet.”

The Medical Officer, a terribly efficient individual, keenly—­sometimes too keenly—­alert for signs of malingering, takes a cursory glance at M’Splae’s feet, and directs the patient’s attention to the healing properties of soap and water.  M’Splae departs, grumbling, and reappears on sick parade a few days later, palpably worse.  This time, the M.O. being a little less pressed with work, M’Splae is given a dressing for his feet,