“By the time the hour of the exercises has arrived, the hall is densely packed with undergraduates and professional students.  The President, who is a non-appointment man, and probably the poorest scholar in the class, sits on a stage with his associate professors.  Appropriate programmes, printed in the college style, are scattered throughout the house.  As the hour strikes, the President arises with becoming dignity, and, instead of the usual phrase, ‘Musicam audeamus,’ restores order among the audience by ‘Silentiam audeamus,’ and then addresses the band, ’Musica cantetur.’

“Then follow a series of burlesque orations, dissertations, and disputes, upon scientific and other subjects, from the wittiest and cleverest men in the class, and the house is kept in a continual roar of laughter.  The highest appointment men frequently take part in the speeches.  From time to time the band play, and the College choir sing pieces composed for the occasion.  In one of the best, called AUDACIA, composed in imitation of the Crambambuli song, by a member of the class to which the writer belonged, the Wooden Spoon is referred to in the following stanza:—­

 ’But do not think our life is aimless;
    O no! we crave one blessed boon,
  It is the prize of value nameless,
    The honored, classic WOODEN SPOON;
  But give us this, we’ll shout Hurrah! 
    O nothing like Audacia!’

“After the speeches are concluded and the music has ceased, the President rises and calls the name of the hero of the evening, who ascends the stage and stands before the high dignitary.  The President then congratulates him upon having attained to so eminent a position, and speaks of the pride that he and his associates feel in conferring upon him the highest honor in their gift,—­the Wooden Spoon.  He exhorts him to pursue through life the noble cruise he has commenced in College,—­not seeking glory as one of the illiterate,—­the [Greek:  oi polloi],—­nor exactly on the fence, but so near to it that he may safely be said to have gained the ‘happy medium.’

“The President then proceeds to the grand ceremony of the evening, —­the delivery of the Wooden Spoon,—­a handsomely finished spoon, or ladle, with a long handle, on which is carved the name of the Class, and the rank and honor of the recipient, and the date of its presentation.  The President confers the honor in Latin, provided he and his associates are able to muster a sufficient number of sentences.

“When the President resumes his seat, the Third Colloquy man thanks his eminent instructors for the honor conferred upon him, and thanks (often with sincerity) the class for the distinction he enjoys.  The exercises close with music by the band, or a burlesque colloquy.  On one occasion, the colloquy was announced upon the programme as ‘A Practical Illustration of Humbugging,’ with a long list of witty men as speakers, to appear in original costumes.  Curiosity was very much excited, and expectation on the tiptoe, when the colloquy became due.  The audience waited and waited until sufficiently humbugged, when they were allowed to retire with the laugh turned against them.