“Noticeable among the cavalry were Don Quixote de la U.V.M., Knight of the patent-leather gaiters, terrible in his bright rectangular cuirass of tin (once a tea-chest), and his glittering harpoon; his doughty squire, Sancho Panza; and a dashing young lady, whose tasteful riding-dress of black cambric, wealth of embroidered skirts and undersleeves, and bold riding, took not a little attention.
“Of the rank and file on foot it is useless to attempt a description. Beards of awful size, moustaches of every shade and length under a foot, phizzes of all colors and contortions, four-story hats with sky-scraping feathers, costumes ring-streaked, speckled, monstrous, and incredible, made up the motley crew. There was a Northern emigrant just returned from Kansas, with garments torn and water-soaked, and but half cleaned of the adhesive tar and feathers, watched closely by a burly Missourian, with any quantity of hair and fire-arms and bowie-knives. There were Rev. Antoinette Brown, and Neal Dow; there was a darky whose banner proclaimed his faith in Stowe and Seward and Parker, an aboriginal from the prairies, an ancient minstrel with a modern fiddle, and a modern minstrel with an ancient hurdy- gurdy. All these and more. Each man was a study in himself, and to all, Falstaff’s description of his recruits would apply:—
“’My whole charge consists of corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen of companies, slaves as ragged as Lazarus in the painted cloth, where the glutton’s dogs licked his sores; the cankers of a calm world and a long peace; ten times more dishonorable ragged than an old-faced ancient: and such have I, that you would think I had a hundred and fifty tattered prodigals lately come from swine-keeping, from eating draff and husks. A mad fellow met me on the way and told me I had unloaded all the gibbets and pressed the dead bodies. No eye hath seen such scarecrows.’
“The proceedings on the review were exciting. After the calling of the roll, the idol of his regiment, Col. Martin Van Buren Brick, discharged an eloquent and touching speech.
“From the report of Dr. Opodeldoc, which was thirty-six feet in length, we can of course give but a few extracts. He commenced by informing the Invincibles that his cures the year past had been more astounding than ever, and that his fame would continue to grow brighter and brighter, until eclipsed by the advent of some younger Dr. Esculapius Liverwort Tar Cant-ye-get-your-leg-away Opodeldoc, who in after years would shoot up like a meteor and reproduce his father’s greatness; and went on as follows:—
“’The first academic that appeared after the last report was the desideratum graduatere, or graduating fever. Twenty-seven were taken down. Symptoms, morality in the head,—dignity in the walk, —hints about graduating,—remarkable tendency to swell,—literary movement of the superior and inferior maxillary bones, &c., &c. Strictures on bleeding were first applied; then treating homoeopathically similis similibus, applied roots extracted, roots Latin and Greek, infinitesimal extracts of calculus, mathematical formulas, psychological inductions, &c., &c. No avail. Finally applied huge sheep-skin plasters under the axilla, with a composition of printers’ ink, paste, paper, ribbons, and writing-ink besmeared thereon, and all were despatched in one short day.