The service grew warm and impressive.

“Will those who want our prayers please stand up?” said the preacher.

At this juncture the young man thought it was getting late and he would get his sweetheart and go home, but not just knowing where she sat he rose to his feet and looked over the audience.

The minister, mistaking his intentions, asked:  “Young man, are you seeking salvation?”

To which the young man responded:  “At present I am seeking Sal Jackson!”

As a Last Resort

“Well, doctor,” said the patient who was an incessant talker, “why in the world don’t you look at my tongue, if you want to, instead of writing away like a newspaper editor?  How long do you expect I am going to sit here with my mouth wide open?”

“Just one moment more, please, madam,” replied the doctor; “I only wanted you to keep still long enough so that I could write this prescription.”

He Got the Information

At a country fair a machine which bore a sign reading, “How to Make Your Trousers Last,” occupied a prominent position in the grounds and attracted much attention, says “Harper’s Weekly.”  A countryman who stood gaping before it was told by the exhibitor, a person with a long black mustache, a minstrel-stripe shirt, and a ninety-four-carat diamond in a red cravat, that for one cent deposited in the slot the machine would dispense its valuable sartorial advice.  The countryman dug the required coin from the depths of a deep pocket and dropped it in the slot.  Instantly the machine delivered a card on which was neatly printed: 

“Make your coat and waistcoat first.”

After Many Trials

He WAS a sad-faced American tourist, and as he seated himself in a London restaurant he was immediately attended by an obsequious waiter.

“I want two eggs,” said the American—­“one fried on one side and one on the other.”

“’Ow is that, sir ?” asked the astounded waiter.

“Two eggs—­one fried on one side and one on the other.”

“Very well, sir.”

The waiter was gone several minutes, and when he returned his face was a study.

“Would you please repeat your border, sir?”

“I said, very distinctly, two eggs—­one fried on one side and one on the other.”

Oppressive silence, and then a dazed “Very well, sir.”

This time he was gone longer, and when he returned he said anxiously: 

“Would it be awsking too much, sir, to ’ave you repeat your border, sir?  I cawn’t think I ’ave it right, sir, y’know.”

“Two eggs,” said the American sadly and patiently—­“one fried on one side and one on the other.”

More oppressive silence and another and fainter “Very well, sir.”

This time he was gone still longer.  When he returned his collar was unbuttoned, his hair disheveled and his face scratched and bleeding.  Leaning over the waiting patron he whispered beseechingly: