“I’d be only too glad to,” gasped the visitor eagerly.

“All right,” said the cavalier gallantly, “go ahead.  It’s been washed twenty-one times already to-day, but I don’t mind going through it again if it’ll make you any happier.”

Easy Enough

A noted mathematician, considered by many a wonder, stopped at a hotel in a small town in Missouri.  As usual, in such places, there were a number of drummers on hand; there was also a meeting of some medical men at the place, who used the hotel as headquarters.  One of the doctors thought it would be quite a joke to tell the mathematician that some of the M.D.’s had concluded to kidnap him and take out his brains to learn how it was he was so good in mathematics.  He was then asked by them what he was going to do about it.  He replied:  “Why, I shall simply go on without brains just as you doctors are doing.”

Not a Complaint at All

The good priest had come to his parishioner after the funeral of the latter’s mother-in-law to express condolences.

“And what complaint was it, Pat,” he asked sympathetically, “that carried the old lady off?”

“Kumplaint, did yi ask, father?” answered Pat.  “Thir wuz no kumplaint from anybody.  Everybody wuz satisfied.”

He Caught It, But——­

The ferry-dock was crowded with weary homegoers when through the crowd rushed a man—­hot, excited, laden to the chin with bundles of every shape and size.  He sprinted down the pier, his eyes fixed on a ferryboat only two or three feet out from the pier.  He paused but an instant on the string-piece, and then, cheered on by the amused crowd, he made a flying leap across the intervening stretch of water and landed safely on the deck.  A fat man happened to be standing on the exact spot on which he struck, and they both went down with a resounding crash.  When the arriving man had somewhat recovered his breath he apologized to the fat man.  “I hope I didn’t hurt you,” he said.  “I am sorry.  But, anyway, I caught the boat!”

“But, you idiot,” said the fat man, “the boat was coming in!”

He Didn’t Mind

A certain railway in Michigan has a station entitled Sawyer’s Mills, but usually entitled, for short, Sawyer’s.

A rural couple on one of the trains attracted much attention by their evident fondness for each other until the brakeman thrust his head in the doorway of the car and called out, “Sawyer!  Sawyer!”

“Reuben” suddenly assumed the perpendicular and indignantly exclaimed, “Well, I don’t care if you did; we’ve been engaged three weeks.”

He Announced His Intentions

Young man and his lady-love attended a protracted meeting which was being held in the village church.  Arriving late they found the church filled, but a gentleman arose and gave the lady his seat, while the young man was ushered far away to a seat in another part of the building.