“Nothing but bananas, ma’am,” was the reply.

One on the Preachers

The preachers in a certain coast town noted for its Sabbath observance were greatly incensed over the fact that printed cards bearing the name of a well-known shipbuilding firm had been received by prominent citizens, inviting them to attend the launching of a vessel on the next Sunday afternoon, the reason being given that the tide was highest on that day.

Sunday came and in every church the launching was widely advertised and denounced, and it was not until late in the day that some one remembered it was April the first.

Charlie Remembered Her Well

A young married woman of social prominence and respectability was to unite with the church in her home town and desired the ordinance of baptism by immersion, preferring the primitive custom of going to the river.  Among the number that gathered to witness the baptism was a little boy friend, Charlie, about four years old.  The proceedings were entirely new to the child, and he looked on with strange curiosity as the candidate was led into the water.  The spring freshets had made the river somewhat turbulent, and it was with difficulty that the minister maintained his footing.  During the following week the young woman called at the home of this family, and after the usual greetings said to the little boy as she extended her hand:  “Come here, Charlie, and see me.  You don’t know who I am, do you?” she continued.  “Yes, indeed I do,” said the boy.  “You’s that woman who went in swimmin’ with the minister on Sunday.”

Couldn’t Follow Him

“John,” said Farmer Foddershucks to his college-bred son, who was home on a vacation, “hev ye noticed Si Mullet’s oldest gal lately?  Strikes me she’s gettin’ ter be a right likely critter, hey?”

“She’s as beautiful as Hebe,” agreed John enthusiastically.

“Aw, shucks!” grunted Farmer F.  “She’s a blame sight purtier ’n he be.  Why, he ain’t no beauty.  She gits it f’m her mother’s folks.”

Frivolity of Outward Show

Dear old Aunt Jane was making a visit in the early spring at the home of her newly-married niece, and spring clothes was the all-absorbing topic of conversation in the family.

“I feel sure this hat’s not broad enough in the brim, Aunt Jane,” said the worldly niece, who wanted to appear just as bewitching to her young husband as she did in her going-away costume.

“What does it matter, child!  Look at me!” replied Aunt Jane, in a comforting tone.  “I put on anything!  Don’t I look all right?”

Just as Well

A Scotsman went to a dentist with a toothache.  The dentist told him he would only get relief by having it out.

“Then I must hae gas,” said the Scotsman.

While the dentist was getting it ready the Scot began to count his money.

The dentist said, somewhat testily, “You need not pay until the tooth is out.”