“Say, boss,” he finally said to a commercial traveler seated near by, “what would you do?”

“Do?” echoed the traveler.  “Why, man, that is a very simple matter; open the window and freeze one lady.  Then close it and suffocate the other.”

She Said It

A visitor of noble birth was expected to arrive at a large country house in the North of England, and the daughter of the house, aged seven, was receiving final instructions from her mother.

“And now, dear,” she said, “when the Duke speaks to you do not forget always to say ‘your Grace.’”

Presently the great man arrived, and after greeting his host and hostess he said to the child, “Well, my dear, and what is your name?” Judge of his surprise when the little girl solemnly closed her eyes and with clasped hands exclaimed, “For what we are about to receive may we be truly fankful, amen.”

His Idea of Genius

A young man once said to Thomas A. Edison, the inventor; “Mr. Edison, don’t you believe that genius is inspiration?”

“No,” replied Edison; “genius is perspiration.”

Took the Wrong House

On one of the Southern railroads there is a station-building that is commonly known by travelers as the smallest railroad station in America.  It is of this station that the story is told that an old farmer was expecting a chicken-house to arrive there, and he sent one of his hands, a newcomer, to fetch it.  Arriving there the man saw the house, loaded it on to his wagon and started for home.  On the way he met a man in uniform with the words “Station Agent” on his cap.

“Say, hold on.  What have you got on that wagon?” he asked.

“My chicken-house, of course,” was the reply.

“Chicken-house be jiggeredl” exploded the official.  “That’s the station!”

And Tommy Did

“And now,” said the teacher, “I want Tommy to tell the school who was most concerned when Absalom got hung by the hair ?”

TOMMY:  “Abs’lom.”

The Prayer of Cyrus Brown

  “The proper way for a man to pray,”
    Said Deacon Lemuel Keyes,
  “And the only proper attitude,
    Is down upon his knees.”

  “No, I should say the way to pray,”
    Said Reverend Doctor Wise,
  “Is standing straight, with outstretched arms,
    And rapt and upturned eyes.”

  “Oh, no; no, no,” said Elder Slow,
    “Such posture is too proud: 
  A man should pray with eyes fast closed
    And head contritely bowed.”

  “It seems to me his hands should be
    Austerely clasped in front,
  With both thumbs pointing toward the ground,”
    Said Reverend Doctor Blunt.

  “Las’ year I fell in Hodgkin’s well
  Head first,” said Cyrus Brown,
  “With both my heels a-stickin’ up,
  My head a-p’inting down,

  “An’ I made a prayer right then an’ there—­
  Best prayer I ever said,
  The prayingest prayer I ever prayed,
  A-standing on my head.”