A clergyman has had in his employ for so long a time a colored man named Julian that the latter has come to regard himself as something of a confidential adviser to the divine.

Early one Sunday morning the pastor awoke feeling decidedly ill.  After a futile attempt at breakfast, he summoned his old and faithful servitor, saying: 

“Julian, I want you to go to my assistant, and tell him that, as I am unwell, he will officiate for me in this morning’s service.”

At this Julian demurred, and, after some argument, persuaded his master that he would feel better if he officiated as usual.  This the latter did, and, as predicted by the servant, he did return home feeling much better.

“Youse better, sah ?” asked the man, meeting his master at the door.

“Very much better, thank you, Julian.”

The servant grinned.  “What did I tell you, sah?  I knowed you’d be all right jest as soon as you got that sermon outer your system.”

Enthusiasm Squelched

An enthusiastic citizen, about to visit Europe, was rejoicing over the fact and the pleasures to come.

“How delightful it will be,” he said to his wife, “to tread the bounding billow and inhale the invigorating oxygen of the sea, the sea, the boundless sea!  I long to see it!  To breathe in great drafts of life-giving air.  I shall want to stand every moment on the prow of the steamer with my mouth open——­”

“You probably will, dear,” interrupted his wife encouragingly.  “That’s the way all the ocean travelers do.”

Definitive

The schoolmaster was trying to explain the meaning of the word “conceited,” which had occurred in the course of the reading lesson.  “Now, boys,” he said, “suppose that I was always boasting of my learning—­that I knew a good deal o’ Latin, for instance, or that my personal appearance was—­that I was very good-looking, y’ know—­what should you say I was?”

Straightforward Boy; “Sure, sir, I’d say you was a liar, sir!”

Wanted to Give Her Every Chance

The clerk was most obliging, but the young woman customer was hard to please.  Roll after roll of blankets did he patiently take down and show to her; nothing suited.

For some fifteen minutes this mock sale went on, then the young woman said condescendingly, “Well, I don’t intend to buy.  I was just looking for a friend.”

“Wait a moment, madam,” cried the clerk.  “There is one more blanket left on the shelf.  Maybe you will find your friend in it.”

Murder Will Out

The newly-graduated daughter who had decided to become an artist had returned to her Boston home.  “I am glad that your mind has taken a turn toward art, for you know that more is expected of you now than if you lived in Chicago,” said her proud parent.

“Yes, Father,” she replied dutifully, with downcast eyes.