“You think that they should have the same rights and privileges?” was the next question.

“Most emphatically,” came from the supporter of woman’s rights.

“Very well,” said the kind old gentleman, sitting down again, “just stand up and enjoy them.”

A Riddle to Willie

  I asked my Pa a simple thing;
    “Where holes in doughnuts go?”
  Pa read his paper, then he said: 
    “Oh, you’re too young to know.”

  I asked my Ma about the wind: 
    “Why can’t you see it blow?”
  Ma thought a moment, then she said: 
   “Oh, you’re too young to know.”

  Now, why on earth do you suppose
    They went and licked me so? 
  Ma asked:  “Where is that jam?” I said: 
    “Oh, you’re too young to know.”

Under Her Bed

Mrs. Hicks was telling some ladies about the burglar scare in her house the night before.

“Yes,” she said, “I heard a noise and got up, and there from under the bed I saw a man’s legs sticking out.”

“Mercy,” exclaimed a woman—­“the burglar’s legs?”

“No, my dear, my husband’s legs.  He had heard the noise, too.”

Didn’t Think He Was Polite

They were on their honeymoon.  He had bought a catboat and had taken her out to show her how well he could handle a boat, putting her to tend the sheet.  A puff of wind came, and he shouted in no uncertain tones: 

“Let go the sheet.”

No response.

Then again: 

“Let go that sheet, quick.”

Still no movement.  A few minutes after, when both were clinging to the bottom of the overturned boat, he said: 

“Why didn’t you let go that sheet when I told you to, dear?”

“I would have,” said the bride, “if you had not been so rough about it.  You ought to speak more kindly to your wife.”

He Had a Large Reach

President Eliot, of Harvard, on a visit to the Pacific Coast, met Professor O. B. Johnson, of the University of Washington, says “The New York Tribune.”  In the course of the conversation President Eliot asked the Westerner what chair he held.

“Well,” said Professor Johnson, “I am professor of biology, but I also give instruction in meteorology, botany, physiology, chemistry, entomology and a few others.”

“I should say that you occupied a whole settee, not a chair,” replied Harvard’s chief.

When Fighting Really Began

An aged, gray-haired and very wrinkled old woman, arrayed in the outlandish calico costume of the mountains, was summoned as a witness in court to tell what she knew about a fight in her house.  She took the witness-stand with evidences of backwardness and proverbial Bourbon verdancy.  The Judge asked her in a kindly voice what took place.  She insisted it did not amount to much, but the Judge by his persistency finally got her to tell the story of the bloody fracas.