He Was Willing to Oblige

A young North Carolina girl is charming, but, like a great many other charming people, she is poor.  She never has more than two evening gowns in a season, and the ruin of one of them is always a very serious matter to her.  She went to a little dancing-party last week and she wore a brand-new white frock.  During the evening a great big, red-faced, perspiring man came up and asked her to dance.  He wore no gloves.  She looked at his well-meaning but moist hands despairingly, and thought of the immaculate back of her waist.  She hesitated a bit, and then she said, with a winning smile;

“Of course I’ll dance with you, but, if you don’t mind, won’t you please use your handkerchief?”

The man looked at her blankly a moment or two.  Then a light broke over his face.

“Why, certainly,” he said.

And he pulled out his handkerchief and blew his nose.

Not All the Time, But——­

A man saw a waiter in a restaurant spill a tureen of tomato soup over a young lady’s white gown.

The young lady, instead of flying into a passion, smiled.  She said it didn’t matter.  She continued to eat and to talk as though nothing had happened.

This so impressed the man that he got an introduction to the young lady, proposed to her at the end of a month or so, and was accepted.

Some time after the marriage he spoke of the tomato-soup accident.

“I shall never forget it,” said the bride.

“Your conduct,” said the man, “was admirable.”

“I remember,” she said, “that I did behave very well at the time; but I wish you could have seen the marks of my teeth on the bedpost that night.”

Necessity and Invention

A mother with her seven children started away on a journey.  After entering the car the largest child was laid out flat on the seat, and the remaining six then sat upon him in a row.

When the conductor came around to collect the fares the mother counted her money, handed it over, smiled, and suavely said:  “Sir, the oldest is under six.”

Taking No Chances

An epileptic dropped in a fit on the streets of Boston not long ago, and was taken to a hospital.  Upon removing his coat there was found pinned to his waistcoat a slip of paper on which was written: 

“This is to inform the house-surgeon that this is just a case of plain fit:  not appendicitis.  My appendix has already been removed twice.”

Too Much Curiosity

A dangerous operation was being performed upon a woman.   Old Doctor
A------, a quaint German, full of kindly wit and professional
enthusiasm, had several younger doctors with him.   One of them was
administering the ether.   He became so interested in the old doctor’s
work that he withdrew the cone from the patient’s nostrils and she
half-roused and rose to a sitting posture, looking with wild-eyed
amazement over the surroundings.   It was a critical period, and Doctor
A------ did not want to be interrupted.   “Lay down, dere, voman,” he
commanded gruffly.   “You haf more curiosity as a medical student.”

They Were Both Charged