On one of his tours he passed through a country town when he came suddenly upon a charming group—­a comely woman with a bevy of little ones about her—­in a garden.  He stopped short, then advanced and leaned over the front gate.

“Madam,” he said In his most ingratiating way, “may I kiss these beautiful children?”

“Certainly, sir,” the lady answered demurely.

“They are lovely darlings,” said the campaigner after he had finished the eleventh.  “I have seldom seen more beautiful babies.  Are they all yours, marm?”

The lady blushed deeply.

“Of course they are—­the sweet little treasures,” he went on.  “From whom else, marm, could they have inherited these limpid eyes, these rosy cheeks, these profuse curls, these comely figures and these musical voices?”

The lady continued blushing.

“By-the-way, marm,” said the statesman, “may I bother you to tell your
estimable husband that ------, the Republican candidate for Governor,
called upon him this evening?”

“I beg your pardon,” said the lady, “I have no husband.”

“But these children, madam—­you surely are not a widow ?”

“I fear you were mistaken, sir, when you first came up.  These are not my children.  This is an orphan asylum!”

One on the Doctor That Time

A prominent physician, whose specialty was physical diagnosis, required his patients, before entering his private consultation-room, to divest themselves of all superfluous clothing in order to save time.  One day a man presented himself without having complied with this requirement.

“Why do you come in here without complying with my rules?” demanded the doctor.  “Just step into that side room and remove your clothing and then I’ll see you.  Next patient, please!”

The man did as requested, and after a time presented himself in regular order duly divested of his clothing.

“Now,” said the doctor, “what can I do for you ?”

“I just called,” replied the man, “to collect that tailoring bill which you owe us.”

Anxious About Him

One winter’s day a very bowlegged tramp called at a home in Ontario and stood to warm himself by the kitchen stove.  A little boy in the home surveyed him carefully for some minutes, then finally approaching him, he said:  “Say, mister, you better stand back; you’re warping!”

The Only Way He Could Help

Chief Justice Matthews, while presiding over the Supreme Court at Washington, took the several Justices of the Court for a run down Chesapeake Bay.  A stiff wind sprang up, and Justice Gray was getting decidedly the worst of it.  As he leaned over the rail in great distress, Chief Justice Matthews touched him on the shoulder and said in a tone of deepest sympathy:  “Is there anything I can do for you, Gray?”

“No, thank you,” returned the sick Justice, “unless your Honor can overrule this motion.”