He Wanted to Know

A bishop in full robes of office, with his gown reaching to his feet, was teaching a Sunday-school class.  At the close he said he would be glad to answer any questions.

A little hand went up, and he asked:  “Well, my boy?”

“Can I ask?” said the boy.

“Certainly,” said the Bishop; “what is it ?”

“Well,” asked the boy, “is dem all you’ve got on, or do you wear pants under dem?”

Woman’s Love and Man’s Love

“There’s just two things that break up most happy homes,” observed a philosopher.

“What’s them?” inquired a listener.

“Woman’s love for dry goods an’ man’s love for wet goods, b’gosh!”

Much Simpler

At a country fair out in Kansas a man went up to a tent where some elk were on exhibition, and stared wistfully up at the sign.

“I’d like to go in there,” he said to the keeper, “but it would be mean to go in without my family, and I cannot afford to pay for my wife and seventeen children.”

The keeper stared at him in astonishment.  “Are all those your children?” he gasped.

“Every one,” said the man.

“You wait a minute,” said the keeper.  “I’m going to bring the elk out and let them see you all.”

One Button was in Use

A school principal was trying to make clear to his class the fundamental doctrines of the Declaration of Independence.

“Now, boys,” he said, “I will give you each three ordinary buttons.  Here they are.  You must think of the first one as representing Life, of the second one as representing Liberty, and the third one as representing the Pursuit of Happiness.  Next Sunday I will ask you each to produce the three buttons and tell me what they represent.”

The following Sunday the teacher said to the youngest member: 

“Now, Johnnie, produce your three buttons and tell me what they stand for.”

“I ain’t got ’em all,” he sobbed, holding out two of the buttons.  “Here’s Life an’ here’s Liberty, but mommer sewed the Pursuit of Happiness on my pants.”

He Remembered

A restaurant-keeper hung out this sign: 

     “Coffee: 
   Such as Mother Used to Make.”

A customer asked, pointing to the sign: 

“Is your coffee really such as mother used to make?”

“It is,” replied the proprietor.

“Then,” said the man with a reminiscent look, “give me a cup of tea.”

Wasn’t Delicate at All

A young man, not regarded as a very desirable suitor, had called upon a young lady a number of times, each time to be told by the maid that “Miss Florence was not well today.”

One day, in response to his card, the young lady’s mother, who was a recent accession to the newly-rich ranks, and whose education was not as sure as it might be, appeared and explained once more to the young man that the daughter was not well.