“A fit,” promptly answered the boy.

A Valuable Office Boy

The employer was bending over a table, looking at the directory.  The new office boy slipped up quietly and poked a note into his hand.  The surprised employer opened it, and read: 

“Honored Sir—­Yer pants is ripped.”

She Had a Question to Ask

A certain prominent dry-goods merchant is also a Sunday-school superintendent.  Not long since he devoted the last few moments of the weekly session to an impressive elucidation of the parable of the Prodigal Son, and afterward asked with due solemnity if any one of the “little gleaners” present desired to ask a question.  Sissy Jones’s hand shot up.

“Very well,” he said, designating her with a benevolent finger and a bland smile, “what is it you would like to know, Cecilia?”

“Please, what’s the price of them little pink parasols in your show-window?”

The Only Time When He Does

A “Subscriber” once wrote to an editor and asked:  “Please tell me, does a man in running around a tree go before or behind himself?”

The editor answered: 

“That depends.  If he is trying to catch himself, necessarily he follows himself, and consequently goes behind.  If, on the contrary, he is running away from himself, the deduction leads to the very obvious conclusion that he precedes himself, and consequently goes before.  If he succeeds in catching up with himself, and passes himself, at the moment of passing he neither precedes nor follows himself, but both he and himself are running even.  This is the only case where he does not go before or behind himself.”

In the Absence of a Tip

“Excuse me, madam, would you mind walking the other way and not passing the horse?” said an English cabman with exaggerated politeness to the fat lady who had just paid a minimum fare, with no fee.

“Why?” she inquired.

“Because if ’e sees wot ’e’s been carrying for a shilling ’e’ll ’ave a fit,” was the freezing answer.

Her Father Didn’t Like It

A young man told his girl the other night that if she didn’t marry him he’d get a rope and hang himself right in front of her house.  “Oh, please, don’t do it, dear,” she said; “you know father doesn’t want you hanging around here.”

He Didn’t Mind His Going Once

An elderly gentleman, a stranger in New York and not sure of his way, stopped a young man on Fifth Avenue and said: 

“Young man, I would like very much to go to Central Park.”

The young man became thoughtful for a moment, and then, looking the old gentleman in the face, said: 

“Well, I don’t mind your going just this once, but don’t ever, ever ask me to go there again.”

Never Again