“That’s right, too,” said the New Englander.

“And you from Philadelphia, I should say?” to the last man.

“No, sir,” answered the man with considerable warmth; “I’ve been sick for three months:  that’s what makes me look that way!”

What She Would Like

A little girl stood in a city meat-market waiting for some one to attend to her wants.  Finally the proprietor was at liberty, approached her and said benignantly, “Is there anything you would like, little girl?”

“Oh, yes, sir, please:  I want a diamond ring, and a seal-skin sacque, a real foreign nobleman, and a pug dog, and a box at the opera, and, oh, ever so many other things; but all Ma wants is ten cents’ worth of bologna.”

The Highest Price in the Store

A rich American woman visited a Japanese art shop in Paris.  It happened to be a dull, dark afternoon.  She looked at the bronzes, jewels, drawings and other things, and finally, pointing toward a dusky corner, she said to the polite young salesman:  “How much is that Japanese idol over there worth?”

The salesman bowed, and answered:  “About five hundred thousand francs, madam.  It is the proprietor.”

From Different Points

“Father, you were born in California, you say?”

“Yes, my son.”

“And mother was born in New York ?”

“Yes.”

“And I was born in Indiana?”

“Yes, my boy.”

“Well, father, don’t it beat the Dutch how we all got together!”

So Son:  So Father?

A small boy who had been very naughty was first reprimanded, then told that he must take a whipping.  He flew upstairs and hid in the far corner under a bed.  Just then the father came home.  The mother told him what had occurred.  He went upstairs and proceeded to crawl under the bed toward the youngster, who whispered excitedly, “Hello, Pop, is she after you, too?”

How Could He?

“Papa” was becoming impatient at the lateness of the hour when he remarked:  “I can’t see why that young fellow who is calling on Minnie hasn’t sense enough to go home.  It’s near midnight.”

“The dear little brother” of the family just then came in, heard his father’s remark, and ventured some light: 

“He can’t go, father.  Sister’s sitting on him.”

Couldn’t Leave Town

A lawyer had a horse that always balked when he attempted to cross a certain bridge leading out of the village.  No amount of whipping or urging would induce him to cross it, so he advertised him for sale:  “To be sold for no other reason than that the owner would like to leave town.”

He Knew His Father

“Suppose,” said a father to his little boy, “you have half an apple and I give you another half.  How much have you?”

“A whole apple,” said the boy.

“Well,” continued the father, “suppose you had a half dollar and I gave you another half dollar.  What would you have then?”