Business done.—­In the Lords, STRATHEDEN and CAMPBELL raised question of MARKISS as Premier and Foreign Secretary.  In Commons, Anglo-German Agreement sanctioned.

Tuesday.—­Scotch Members had their innings to-night; played a pretty stiff game till, at twelve o’clock, stumps drawn.  All about what used to be called the Compensation Bill.  Got a new name now; Compensation Clauses dropped; but JOKIM finds it dreary work dragging the wreck along.

“Seems to me, Tony,” he said with a sob in his voice, “that whatever I do is wrong.  This Bill has gone through various transmogrifications since; with a light heart, I brought it in as part of Budget scheme.  But it’s all the same.  Hit high or hit low, I can’t please ’em.  Begin to think if there were any other business open for me, should chuck this up.”

“Ever been in the carpet-cleaning line?” said MAPLE-BLUNDELL, in harsh voice, and with curiously soured face.  Generally beams through life as if it were all sunshine.  Now cloud Seems to have fallen over his expansive person, and he is as gloomy as JOKIM.

[Illustration:  Floored by the Carpet.]

“It’s all very well for you,” he continues, glowering at JOKIM, “to complain of your lot; but till you go into the carpet-cleaning line you never know what vicissitudes mean.  One day, alighting from your four-in-hand, and happily able to spare to Tottenham Court Road a few moments from direction of national affairs, you look in at your shop; enter a lady who says she wants a carpet cleaned.  ‘Very well’ you say rubbing your hands, and smiling blandly; ’and what will be the next article.’  Nothing more.  Only this blooming carpet, out of which, when the job is finished and it is sent home you make a modest five bob.  Your keen insight into figures, JOKIM, will convince you that the coin colloquially known as five bob won’t go far to enable you to cut a figure in Society, drive four-in-hand, give pic-nics in your park to the Primrose League, and subscribe to the Canton Fund.  However, there it is; carpet comes; you send it out in usual way, and what happens?  Why it blows itself up, kills two boys, lames a man, and then you discover that you’ve been entertaining unawares a carpet worth L1000 which you have to pay.  Did that ever happen to you at the Treasury?” MAPLE-BLUNDELL fiercely demanded.  JOKIM forced to admit that his infinite sorrows had never taken that particular turn.

“Very well, then,” snapped MAPLE-BLUNDELL, “don’t talk to me about your troubles.  As far as I know this is the only carpet in the world valued at L1000; it is certainly the only one that ever went off by spontaneous combustion; and I had this particular carpet in charge, at the very moment when it was ready to combust spontaneously.”

“Yes,” said JOKIM, softly, as MAPLE-BLUNDELL went off, viciously stamping on the carpet that covers the Library floor, “we all have our troubles, and when I think of MAPLE-BLUNDELL and his combustible carpet I am able the better to bear the woes I have.”