And on his arrival in Jerusalem Joseph stood for a moment before his camel thanking the beast for his great, rocking stride, which has given me, he said, respite from thinking for two whole days and part of two nights.  But I cannot be always on the back of a camel, he continued, and must now rely on my business to help me to forget; and he strove to apply his mind to every count that came before him, but in the middle of every one his thoughts would fly away to Galilee, and the merchant waiting to receive the provisions he had come to fetch wondered of what the young man was thinking, and the cause of the melancholy that was in his face.

He was still less master of his thoughts when he sat alone, his ledger before him; and finding he could not add up the figures, he would abandon himself without restraint to his grief; and very often it was so deep that when the clerk opened the door it took Joseph some moments to remember that he was in his counting-house; and when the clerk spoke of the camel-drivers that were waiting in the yard behind the counting-house for orders, it was only by an effort of will that he collected his thoughts sufficiently to realise that the yard was still there, and that a caravan was waiting for orders to return to Jericho.  The orders were forgotten on the way to the yard, and the clerk had to remind him, and sometimes to say:  Master, if you’ll allow me, I will settle this business for you.

Joseph was glad of his clerk’s help, and he returned to the ledger, and, staring at figures which he did not see, he sat thinking of Jesus, of the night they walked by the lake’s edge, of the day spent in the woods above Capernaum, and the various towns of Syria that they visited.  It seemed to him that the good days had gone over for ever, and it was but a sad pleasure to remember the pagans that liked Jesus’ miracles without being able to abandon their own gods.  Only Peter could bring a smile into his face; a smile wandered round his lips, for it was impossible to think of Peter and not to smile.  But the smile faded quickly and the old pain gripped his heart.

I have lost Jesus for ever, he said, and at that moment a sudden rap at his door awoke him from his reveries.  He was angry with his clerk, but he tried to disguise his anger, for he was conscious that he must present a very ridiculous appearance to his clerk, unless, indeed, which was quite likely, his clerk was indifferent to anything but the business of the counting-house.  Be this as it may, he was an old and confidential servant who made no comments and asked no questions.  Joseph was grateful to his clerk for his assumed ignorance and an hour later Joseph bade him good-night.  I shall see thee in the morning, to which Samuel answered:  yes, sir; and Joseph was left alone in the crowded street of Jerusalem, staring at the passengers as they went, wondering if they were realities, everyone compelled by a business or a desire, or merely shadows,