“It is unnecessary to detail at length, the conversation which ensued.  It was tolerably connected, as might be looked for in so small a company, seldom, branching out into miscellaneous details, and turning chiefly upon literary matters.  But I found it impossible to join in it with any degree of relish.  In vain did my opposite neighbour call up before my imagination the scenes of my birthplace; in vain did our landlord crack his jokes—­for he was a great humourist—­and rally me upon my dulness; in vain did he allege that I was in love, and good-naturedly fix upon two or three girls as the objects of my affections.  Worthy man! little did he imagine that I was in love with his cousin’s nose.

“In love, yes!  I bore the same love towards it, that the squirrel bears to the rattlesnake—­when it gets fascinated by the burning eyeballs, horrid fangs, and forked tongue of its crawling, slimy, and execrable foe.  Mistake me not, sir, or suppose that I mean to insinuate that Miss Snooks was a rattlesnake.  No; the reasoning is purely analogical; and I only wish it to be inferred that that nose, humped like a dromedary—­prominent as Cape Wrath—­nobler than Caesar’s, or the great captain’s—­had precisely the same influence on me as the envenomed Python of the American woods has upon the squirrel.  It fascinated me—­threw a spell over me—­enchanted my faculties—­made me love to gaze upon what I abhorred, and think of nothing but one feature—­one nose, which nevertheless held a more prominent place in the temple of my imagination, than Atlas, Andes, or Teneriffe, or even the unscalable ridges of Himalaya, where Indra, the god of the elements, is said to have placed his throne.  Having meditated for some time in this way, I found that it would never do.  There was something inexpressibly absurd in the mood which my mind was getting into, and I resolved to throw off the incubus which oppressed me, and be like other people.  Full of this idea, I filled a bumper, and bolted it off—­then another—­then another.  I was getting on admirably, and rapidly recovering my equanimity, when chancing to turn my eyes towards Mr. Hookey, he was nowhere to be seen.  He had not gone out; that was impossible; no—­he was concealed from me by the mighty nose.

“This event had nearly capsized me, and brought me back into my old way, when I poured out another glass of wine, and hastily swallowed it, which in some measure restored the equilibrium of my faculties.  I looked again at Hookey, and saw him distinctly—­the shade was gone, for Miss Snooks had leaned back, in a languishing mood, upon her chair, and taken her nose along with her.  At this moment I fancied I saw her ogling me with both eyes, and resolved to be upon my guard.  I remembered the solemn vows already made to my dear Cecilia; and on this account determined to stand out against Miss Snooks and her nose.

“But this was only a temporary relief.  Again did she lean forward, and again was the nose protruded between Hookey and myself.  It acted as an eclipse—­it annihilated him—­made him a mere nonentity—­rendered him despicable in my eyes.  It was impossible to respect any man who lived in the shade of a nose, who hid his light under such a bushel.  Hang the ninny, he must be a sneaking fellow!